My Apologies...

I'm sorry.

There is no excuse for what I am about to do.

I truly am sorry.

I found this over at TubaPants.

It has had me completely enraptured for the last 24 hours or so.

I want to stop. I really do.

I just can't.

Notice I'm not swearing in this post either?

I'm exhausted.

I don't have the energy to cuss.

If you have a spare 32487253987 hours to devote to something, go on over and do the "Impossible Quiz."

If not, go check it out anyway.

You'll thank me.

Wait, no you won't.

You're going to hate me.

It's worth it.

The Children...

Tonight, I told Mema that I had the names picked out for my as yet unborn children.

They shall be Mickey for a boy, and Trudy for a girl.

I imagine that they will look something like this:

Trudy shall have dark hair like her mother. (Me) She will need coke bottle gogs, and will need to shave at least twice daily. Her mullet is purely for style. I imagine that she'll be this weight at birth which will leave me, her mother, with a floppy, shaved roast beef-like vajayjay for life. No man will come near me again.


Mickey shall look somewhat like Mr. Bean. He will have beef tits and will need a diaper change long into adulthood. He will have a receding hairline starting at birth that will never grow in. Rogaine will not help. His motor skills will be limited due to the fact that he will have hot dog hands.

Dancers...

J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.

Partner8: Who the fuck are you?

J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:

J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.

J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.

Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?

J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.

Partner8: Is that like cancer?

J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.

Partner8: Good one romeo.

J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you think it must be taking over your mind, there's
nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.

Partner8: that was never a haiku.

J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Without my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.

Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"

J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?

Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.

J-Dogg: ...

Partner8: ?

J-Dogg: I'm spent.

Ahh Yeah Kids...

This one's for Crazy Eddie.. Newports baby!

Chuck...

Oh Chuck Norris, you silly bastard you.

Ok folks.

Seriously.

Do you do a ton of karate kicks?

I know I do.

When I do, I want to be sure that I'm wearing my Chuck Norris Action Jeans.

If you read the ad closely, you'll notice that they won't bind your legs.

The unique "hidden gusset" will allow you to do your most fancy moves and not rip the crotch of your pants.

Cause, really, who wants to see your nut/vulva when you're doing your best roundhouse.

Amazing.

PS: Little known fact about Chuck Norris? They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Sing Me The Blues...

A few of my Blog Friends have been down lately.

We're all suffering from Blog Depression.

It's sad.

But you can make a difference.

Check out this link and learn that you're not alone.

We're all in this together.

Gangsta...

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?

J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.

Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"

J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.

Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?

J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.

Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?

J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.

Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".

J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.

Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?

J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.

Partner6: It likes that.

J-Dogg: aight.

Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...

J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.

Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.

J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...

Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.

J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...

Partner6: WTF?!

J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!

Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...

J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!

Partner6: You dipshit.

J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...

J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

Pruney...

I totally have dishpan hands right now.

Sighting...

Rumour has it that there was a Boots sighting at the mall yesterday.

Sadly, this occurred on my day off.

Darn.

Eat Your Veggies...

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?

Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?

MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.

Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out

Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

MommyMelissa: is that it?

Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.

Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.

MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.

MommyMelissa: ...

Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.

MommyMelissa: whatever.

Link...

I added some new links to the side bar.

You know who you are!

For those of you that frequent the Boob Lady, you'll recognize the new ones.

Take a peek! I'm sure you'll enjoy.

Quiver Me Timbers...

Who doesn't want one of these?

Guys; it'll maximize her pleasure. Yours too! I promise.

Gals; Please! You have to do virtually NO work!

It's win, win!

Plus, the glow in the dark feature means that you'll never have to look at porn in the dark anymore!

*Phew*

I Want It That Way...

I shall let this speak for itself.

It's Not Delivery...

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?

DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)

DirtyKate:Who are you?

Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot

Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.

DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..

Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order

DirtyKate: Haha! OK

DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.

Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?

DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!

Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?

DirtyKate:Umm...Yes

DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...

Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.

**pause**

DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!

Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.

Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though

**pause**

DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.

Bloodninja:How did you know?

Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.

Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven

DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby

Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?

DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.

Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....

DirtyKate:What the f**k?

DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t

DirtyKate:F**k

Mothers Day...

Don't worry!

There's still time!



Get 'em while they're hot!

Mmmmm...

Before leaving work tonight, I beheld such an astonishing sight it brought tears to my eyes.

I saw a woman.

A woman of about 60.

A 60ish woman in a cloak.

A red cloak.

She had on hooker boots.

Hooker boots OVER her jeans.

The best part of the whole ensemble?

Her hair.

It was delicately styled just so.

Her flaxen locks gave her an air of mystery.

Where is this woman from?

Does she know that her fashion sense is unparalleled?

Does she know that the RAT TAIL/MULLET COMBO is not cool??

Holy Fuck.

I've dubbed it the: Mmmratlet.

That's right.

Roll it off your lips.

Mmmmmmmmmratlet.

It's fucking beautiful, isn't it?

*Sigh*

Treasure...

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.

Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.

Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.

Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.

Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.

Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.

Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.

Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.

Sarah19fca: you like that?

Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.

Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?

Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.

Sarah19fca: Peanuts?

Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.

Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?

Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.

Sarah19fca: This is stupid.

Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.

Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?

Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.

Sarah19fca: /ignore

Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.

Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

Caption This...

I'm not entirely sure what's happening here, so I'm asking for your help.

What do you think is occuring?

Man?

Beast?

Sock it to me.

MuuMuu Mema...

Thanks to Blogger Idol, my poor Mema is now confined to her Jazzy with her lobster claws.

I can just picture her now, in her muumuu with her lavender-grey hair, cursing me for making her vote on Blogger Idol.

She's whizzing around town, shaking her claw, cursing the day I was born.

Thank you Blogger Idol, for making my mother of the future a decrepit old lady with colored hair, smoke hanging from her lipstick stained mouth, one big curler in the front of her hair that serves no purpose other than looks, one crippled hand on the controller for her electric wheelchair, whipping around corners, screaming "You fruits wouldn't know what to do with me."

Fuschia...

To the lady with the fuschia hair that came into my store today:

Bitch, Please.

You look like a clown.

You're sixty.

It just ain't right.

**This is my 200th post! Hooray for Boobs!!!**

Idle...

(My Absolute Favorite Blogger Ever™ Paul Hughson made this for me because he is the only real man I have ever known and he cares about me.)

Well, I'm now part of the "Sassy Six."

My poor mother will be in a cast and sling soon if this keeps up.

I can't believe that I've stayed in it this long and would like to thank Gregg for allowing me to be a part of such a hilarious entity.

Thanks for voting kids! Keep up the good work!

Robe...

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Dig It...

Crikey!

I'm still in it.

Keep voting for me whoever you are!!

I know that my poor Mema has probably gotten carpal tunnel from straight clickin' for the past 72 hours.

As of right now, we're in day three of Viewer Voting.

Two more are gone tomorrow morning, don't let it be me!!

Rhino...

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

20 Questions...

My internet lovers Dave and Paul have given me the opportunity to show you the enigma that is the Boob Lady.

They've interviewed me and I've given them the best 5 minutes of their lives.

(The best 3 of mine...)

Go check it out!

The Atomic Blog is a must-see and I suggest you get your tails over there and learn all about Moi!

Thanks boys, it was great.

See you in the bedroom.

Level III...

The following is a snippet from a hilarious chat log by Legend Of The BloodNinja.

If you enjoy it, I'll go for more.

If not, suck it.

------------------------

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine

bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal. bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?

Hair, There, And Everywhere...

Things I wish I'd said to the sketchbags in the mall today:

-------------------------------

First, I'd like to say thanks. Thanks for coming to the mall today. It was great having you. It's people like you that keep the mall open.

Oh, wait, no it's not. Want to know why? It's cause you don't buy jack shit. You walk around with an empty shopping cart so that you can put your (Insert inanimate object here) in it.

To Grandma: You do 178 laps of the mall without buying a thing. You sit in the food court and play scratch off Bingo while I eat my lunch.

To Whippersnappers: I know that my mannequins look cold. Staring at hard plastic nipples while giggling and grabbing your friends sleeve to come look too isn't making them any warmer.

To the lady with a bad case of Hockey Hair: Do you not have friends? Someone should really beat some fucking sense into you. Seriously. It looks like you were bobbing for french fries.

To the other lady who looked like Joe Dirt: Maybe you and Hockey Hair here should team up and put your mullet power to good use. You could probably wrangle up some more losers and start a hair band.

To the drunk guy that came into my store right before I was leaving tonight: Please. Please do not ever come back to my store while you reek of distillery. It is not a turn on. How does one shop drunk anyway? Your wife isn't going to wear the bra and panty set you bought her tonight since you'll have liquor dick anyway!

Come to the mall and drop some cash. I don't expect you to fork over hundreds of dollars, but pulling things off my racks and letting them fall to the floor is no way to behave. Would you do that at your own place?

Do it...

So, I'm up there.

I'm catching up to the fine folks over at the Atomic Blog.

Vote for me! You know you want to!

Thank you to all(mom) those who voted for me (dad), I'll continue to make you proud!

Boobies to all and to all a great rack!

Pap...

If you've been following Blogger Idol, you'll know that it's pretty tight.

We're all lobbying for votes to be the first ever Blogger Idol.

I thought we were going to keep it friendly.

I see today, however, that the smear campaigning has begun.

My blogging paramours over at The Atomic Blog have decided that they will start dragging us fellow contestants through the mud to further themselves.

It appears as though these two have forgotten who was there in the beginning...

Notice, their first post?

Notice the ONLY comment?

That's what I thought.

These two clearly harbor secret feelings for each other, but they're both too juvenile to admit it. I mean, come on...Paul calling shotgun for the "Pretend Blogger Prom?"

Mm Hmm.

Myself, Erica, and Dirty have been faithfully commenting on their site.

With the exception of Dirty, since she's a judge, Paul and Dave are taking out their homosexual aggressions on us.

I don't dig it boys.

Your reign is over.

When I'm done with you two, you'll both be laying on the bed in your prom dresses, crying for your mothers, wilted corsages still on your wrists, wondering why the captain of the football team fucked and chucked you.

Bring it Bitches.

Voting...

Head on over to Gregg's site and start voting for your favorite Boob Lady!

Read the rules, get acquainted with how voting is going to work, then go to town!!

Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

You know, I'd do it for you.

No really! I would!

Do it!!!

Thank you.

Happy Easter...

(Original artwork created for my hilarious brother last Easter. Painted by The Ex-TM. xo)

Enjoy your day all!

Hope the Easter Bunny didn't kill you!

Bow...

I normally post humorous type items for my "Disturbing" post, but tonight, I had to take a stand.

I couldn't live with myself if I didn't come forward.

This is possibly the worst case of child abuse I have ever seen.

I think you'll agree that these are not ideal living conditions for a child.

A child who cannot yet make his or her own decisions.

It's a tragedy if you ask me.

Some of you may have already seen this picture and some of you may have already voiced your opinions.

Please take a moment of silence with me.

A moment of silence for the young one.

Poker Face...

I consider myself to be a decent poker player.

I thought I had a good poker face.

This poor guy has got me beat.

Flapjacks.

That's all I'll say.

My father sent me this a little while ago, I now share it with you.

Enjoy.

Oh, and I'm sorry.

Top Twelve...

...Bitches!

I can't believe I'm still in it.

I must be doing something right.

He Likes Food, And Dreams, And Whispers...

Best quote from a movie I've seen lately:

"I just wanna cut off your skin and wear it to my birthday."

(Hector, the stalker to Jimmy, aka Napoleon Dynamite.)

Caravan...

Since so many of you have been willing to go the extra mile for your friendly neighbourhood Boob Lady with the Apple Jacks thing, I was hoping that I could send some of you on a hunt for me.

Think of it as your deed as a good citizen of the blogging world.

They're like the Sasquatch, or Nessie.

So far, elusive.

But we know they're out there! I swear!

My Mema and I have been on a hunt for these frigging candy bars for ages now.

This little piece of heaven was my raison d'être.

The last time we found them at the grocery store, we bought a case.

They're that good!

They didn't last long.

Please, I beg of you.

Look around, check the corner stores and bodegas, rob old people, do whatever it takes to find one of these puppies.

If you don't eat them first, which you probably will, please tell me, I'll do anything.

ANYTHING.

*There will be a reward offered for anyone who finds the first dozen Caravan bars.*

She's Got It...

By the power of Grayskull, I'm still in this thing.

Voting by fellow bloggers and regular Joes starts on Monday.

It appears as though the powers that be are actually taking Easter weekend off.

WTF?

It's not like the Easter Bunny is not going to come to our houses if we continue to blog.

What did you just say about the Easter Bunny?

He's not what?

He's not rea...WHAT???

Shut yo' mouth!

Anyway I suppose it is the "resurrection" and all.

Okay, point proven.

Blog Break it is.

(I'll still be here, shining in the sky like the Bat Signal though, all your blog needs will be fulfilled. Don't panic. It's true. I'll keep writing. I'm a champ like that. Breathe now. In and out.)

A Is For Apple...

A is for apple, J is for Jacks.

Cinnamon toasty Apple Jacks!

You need a complete breakfast, that's a fact.

Start it off with Apple Jacks.

Apple Jacks! Apple Jacks!

Ten vitamins and minerals-that's what it packs

Apple-tasty, crunchy, too!

Kellogg's Apple Jacks!

----------------------------

Oh My God!

I can't get Apple Jacks here in Canada anymore.

That simple fact left me feeling very melancholy for a long time.

I used to eat these when I was a kid like they were going out of style.

Then, I found them again when I was in my late teens.

I bought as much as I could.

They disappeared again and left me feeling used and slightly dirty, like a one-night stand.

I wept softly and rocked myself to sleep that night.

A couple of years later, they resurfaced.

I bought more.

I ate more.

Turns out that they did, in fact, go out of style.

Looks like I'm fucking psychic.

-----------------------------

A friend brought me some on Monday from Maine.

She went on a little road trip and thought of me while she was down there.

My box came with a fancy Shrek the Third nightlight sort of contraption.

You wear it over your ear.

It looks like I'm wearing a BlueTooth.

I look important.

Nobody knows it's a toy for a 4 year old.

I am now consuming Apple Jacks for every meal.

Sans milk.

Usually in a wife beater and my underpants at the computer desk.

I'm not picky.

C'mon, C'mon...

I'm still in it.

Seriously, I plan on winning this thing and sweeping the votes.

Don't fight it.

Go check it out at Gregg's site, see the other competitors and you'll notice that I am going to take all.

Phoque...

Today, while I was waiting in line to get a bagel for lunch, I heard what can only be described as a baby seal.

I look around, see nothing, and resume my air of nonchalantness.

As the crowd parts, the baby seal continues.

I notice then a young boy, probably around 5 or 6 years of age, with his ass hanging out of his pants standing next to what can only be his grandmother.

OR, his mother, since if that kid was mine, I'd look like I was about 87 too.

Anyway, he's just a' bobbin' and dancing around like he's the king of the donut shop, all the while, his jogging pants are sliding down a little more.

I supress my usual gag and move over to the next line.

If you've ever seen someone fall, or driven by a car accident, you know that it's nearly impossible to look away.

Much like it was this afternoon.

You want to stop looking, don't you?

But you can't.

This kid is huge.

I'm talking Maury Povich huge.





Like, so huge he's probably going to have to be crane lifted out of the wall they remove from the side of his house when he gets older since he's stuck to his couch and can't find the remote because it's stuck in the folds of his stomach since he ate t-bones for breakfast and so many KFC family buckets for bedtime snacks and woke up in the middle of the night for ding dongs and ho-ho's and probably has chicken wings stuck in his hair.

That kind of huge.

He was literally a back with a crack.

It was deplorable.

I am served next so I grab my bagel and make my way to the food court to eat and read in peace.

I am sitting for approximately 15 seconds when I hear a bark.

You guessed it.

They brought the barnyard to me.

Granny/Mom is barking (She's actually coughing, but it seems more like a bark to me) and the kid is making seal noises again.

He's totally hopped up on the KFC meal he just had and the 4 donuts he's got in front of him.

Thankfully he's sitting and I can't see his asscrack anymore.

I would have had to throw out a perfectly good bagel and that's just a waste!

**I should tell you that Phoque (French) translates to Seal in English.**

Dream A Little Dream...

Do you ever have one of those dreams where you really don't want to wake up?

You hit the snooze button as many times as you can before you actually have to get out of bed?

I had one of those last night.

It continued right through to this morning and every single time I woke up and fell back asleep, the dream just picked right up where it left off.

Amazing.

That rarely happens to me.

Rarely do I remember what I dreamt about too.

This one was vivid.

Please enjoy this sound clip.



It is the background music to my dream last night.

Close your eyes, relax, lean back, and dream with me a little.













*I should mention, this was a dirty dream and I was a bad, bad girl.*
(Sorry Mema.)

Blogger Idol...

Yes, you read it right.

Blogger Idol.

It's going on right now.

Yes! Right this very minute, blogs from all over are being trash talked, mocked, and/or saluted via Gregg O'Connell's site.

Although I may or may not have been high on life at the time, I *allowed myself to sign myself up for these shenanigans and any hilarity or heartbreak that may ensue is my own fault.

So far, I'm still in it.

I'm in it to win it actually.

When it's time for you to vote, I'll let you know.

Because you'll vote for me.

Right?

RIGHT?

I thought so.

*Yes, I know that this sentence sounds ridiculous. I was thinking of Austin Powers when I typed it..."Allow myself to introduce...Myself."

Suck it.

Thank You...

Whoooooooo!!!

10,000 hits since December 5th!

Who'da thunk it?

Thanks guys!

You've made all my dreams come true!