Monday, September 18, 2006

An open letter to all job applicants...

So, you've decided to apply for a job.

Good for you.

Whether it's your first time, or you've done it before, you must know some basic rules. Don't be fooled. As much as they may seem like common sense, to many, they are not.

I don't know how, I don't know why, but some people seem to think that going for a job interview is almost like going to the bar.

It is not.

Basic Rules:

1. No Jeans *If you come to a job interview wearing jeans, you are more than likely not going to get the job. Unless you're applying at some sort of denim ranch. Even then, you are probably not going to get the job.*

2. No Tube/Halter/Backless/Pleather/Leather Tops *If I can see most of your rack, any prospect of a nipple slip, your back fat, or your bra, you are probably not going to get the job.*

3. Clothing That Fits *If I can see you're sporting a thong, a "muffin top", any form of "double boob", or, again, your back fat, you are probably not going to get the job.*

4. Camel Toe *Enough said.*

5. Interest In The Advertised Position *If you don't remember where you've applied, you're probably not going to get the job.*

6. Ability To Work Shifts *If you come into the interview and open by saying: " I can't work on ... or... and I need this off..., you're probably not going to get the job.*

7. Come Alone *If you come in with your posse, you are probably not going to get the job.*

Although this is only a small portion of the basic rules, I feel that this is sufficient to cover at least the resume drop off/interview portion of the evening..

I will add as I see fit, and/or, as more tards drop me off resumes.


Unfortunately, I couldn't get a front on photo of the poor harlot in the lightbox. My camera ran out of batteries, and I had to work with it plugged in.


If you look really close, with one squinty eye, you can almost see the tootsie roll.. Almost..

At least you get the idea.


Saturday, September 16, 2006

Hiatus Complete..

After a much needed and well deserved hiatus, I am back.

I guess I just needed time to gather some new material. (Not that it's not around me for every second of every day, but still..)

Last week, we decided that we needed a new lightbox poster. Not really out of the ordinary, since technically, swimsuit season is over in my neck of the woods and the bathing suit that was in there had to go.

Let it be known that I have very little in the way of poster selection in my back room. Head office has been claiming for approximately 3 months that new ones were on their way, but alas, there are no new ones.

So, rather than put in a different swimsuit poster, I rooted around for one of my old bra ones.

They're bad. They're really bad.

And old.

But I digress.. As usual.

I put in the best poster of the bunch. Some of them were, I'm sure, circa 1985 or before, and that's just unacceptable.

If you are a store owner and feel the need to have strange men of all ages and pre-pubescent boys stop, stare, and leer into your store suggestively, the following is a list of things that the skank on your lightbox poster must posess:

Bearskin rug
Slutty hosiery
Skanky hairdo
Greasy body
Come hither stare
Pillow lips
Extraordinary amount of makeup
Fake tits
Brazilian wax
Lollipop Head (Tiny body, huge head.. Anyone?)
Tootsie Roll

If, and when, you have all of the above, you are able to either pose, or photograph a lovely lightbox poster all your own.

What's a tootsie roll doing in the poster you ask?

That's what it looks like the skankbox in the picture is sporting in her brazilian waxed bikini! I swear to you. It looks like she's got a chub and is playing hide-the-vienna-sausage.

Still want one?