Saturday, April 28, 2007

The Children...

Tonight, I told Mema that I had the names picked out for my as yet unborn children.

They shall be Mickey for a boy, and Trudy for a girl.

I imagine that they will look something like this:

Trudy shall have dark hair like her mother. (Me) She will need coke bottle gogs, and will need to shave at least twice daily. Her mullet is purely for style. I imagine that she'll be this weight at birth which will leave me, her mother, with a floppy, shaved roast beef-like vajayjay for life. No man will come near me again.


Mickey shall look somewhat like Mr. Bean. He will have beef tits and will need a diaper change long into adulthood. He will have a receding hairline starting at birth that will never grow in. Rogaine will not help. His motor skills will be limited due to the fact that he will have hot dog hands.

24 comments:

Andres Carl Sena said...

holy shit, that baby is freaky

The Boob Lady said...

andres: Don't you mean beautiful? My children will be lovely.

Anon. Blogger said...

Ah, children. They change you forever. (You think you are kidding about the shaved beef, huh?

Oh, mickey is the cutest baby ever!!!! Really. Really.


:-)

coffeypot said...

OMG, BL. Those kids would gag a maggot on a gut wagon. Just say “NO!”

Big Orange said...

Ummmm...

Nobody™ said...

You must not be very selective about who you screw with kids like that.

Skylers Dad said...

I didn't know you were boinking Mr Bean! How does it feel to sleep with a celebrity?

Emma said...

trudy looks a bit like ugly betty.
i'm planning to give my children AWFUL names and make them rise above it, like "mildred" or "willard". it'll build up their character! or something.

Erica AP said...

Your babies are so cute!! (isn't that what you are supposed to say to everyone who just had a kid?)

kirby said...

Oh Mickey you're so fine...

kirby said...

Oh Mickey you're so fine...

Emma said...

Oh, and if you like, when your hideous baby boy is grown up, you can pay me to take him out on a date. I'll be like his very expensive hooker.
I won't lie, those hot dog hands sound intriguing. Ooh, that came out all dirty...

Jessica said...

I used to date a guy who looked like that baby. He could go for ever.

Dick Small said...

I could see that kid dressed in a wife-beater, boxers, and black socks that come up to the knees, held in place by those small garter straps. Maybe a cigar in one hand and a newspaper opened up to the horse racing section in the other.

The Boob Lady said...

anon: Sadly, no. I know what I'm in for. Isn't he cute??!!

coffeypot: LMFAO. Thank you.

Big Orange: Cat got your tongue?

Nobody: Well, since you put it that way, it's been a while okay, I'll take what I can get. ;)

Emma: I say go for Gertrude and Smithers.

Erica: Thank you!!! HAHA!!

kirby: You're so fine you blow my mind...

Emma: How much will you charge? What if Mickey turns out to be hot, or hung like a horse?

Jessica: HAH! I almost shit myself just now.

Dick Small: Absofuckinlutely. I agree wholeheartedly! I love it.

stilettoheights said...

this made me actually scream!!!! I think I like the second one best, is that one trudy?

pezda said...

Mickey would be very popular with the ladies. I mean, who dosen't like Mr Bean?

Grant Miller said...

Awwwwwwww.

WAT said...

Abortion honey. Um, abortion.

Lynda said...

That is wrong on so many levels.

The Boob Lady said...

stilettoheights: The second child, the male, is Mickey. He's going to be handsome.

pezda: I know, I plan on teaching him how to properly treat a lady. I'm sure he'll be everyone's platonic friend.

WAT: I'm speechless..

Lynda: My kids? They're cute!! :)

alexgirl said...

I don't know how I missed these pictures last time I was reading your blog, but I just laughed for like 5 minutes. Baby Mickey is fucking hysterical. and you should probably keep Trudy in the basement.

The Boob Lady said...

alexgirl: I'm not sure how you could have missed this either. I mean, really, it's a couple of pictures of ugly babies. You were having a bad day, that's okay, I'll let it slide! Baby Mickey is awesome isn't he? :) Trudy will not leave her "shanty".

The Boob Lady said...

Grant Miller: I know! :)

Skylers Dad: It feels pretty damn good!