Tuesday, March 27, 2007


I stopped off at the gas station on the way home from work this evening for a few necessities.

As I'm walking in the door, the big burly cashier is looking at me with a smirk on his face.

Curious, I walk closer.

I get to the counter and he asks me if I've got my points card.

I say no, I have no points card.

He tells me I need one.

I oblige.

As he's giving me the points that the last lady didn't want, he tells me that the card has my picture on it.

Having already worked since the asscrack of dawn this morning, (Not really, but it felt like it...) I smile politely.

(I'm secretly thinking that he's on crack.)

I gather up my purchase and as he's handing me my points card, he says heartily:
"Look! It's a tiger! You're a tiger!"

I stare, bewildered, at this man and his points card.

You could have heard me blink. You know, the little clicking sound you hear if someone blinks and it's really quiet?

I digress...

So, he proceeds to tell me that I'm like a tiger; smart, attractive, and probably fast.

Had he taken a look at my purchases (And no, I won't go into detail!) He would have known how wrong he was.

Smart? Check.

Attractive? Of course.

Fast? Notsomuch.

Maybe in my heyday, not anymore.

Again with the digressing.

He then tells me that everytime I come in there now, he's going to call me Tiger.

I tell him and the young lad working with him that when I come in next, I will have nicknames for the two of them.

Burly man tells me that I can call him the Friendly Giant since that's what other people call him.
Or, I can call him Bear.

I told him that I'd like to think of something unique, and fresh.

He lets me leave as long as I promise to do it.

I think I've narrowed it down.

Burly man is going to be "Big Poppa", young working lad is going to be "Slugger".

What do you think?


Just Dave said...

I think that those nicknames are so much more dignified than "Dickhead" and "Asswipe". You are obviously a compassionate woman.

Anonymous said...

Hows about Dimple Dick, and Shit Muffin.

The Boob Lady said...

just dave: I try. I had other names in my head, but I figured that these were the most polite. Plus, I don't need them denying my purchase and gas power.

anonymous: if this is the same anonymous from a previous post, show yourself, we must be together. I'm in love.

ThePapaDog said...

I always preferred Fucktard, and Assmunch, but that's just me.

Oh I like Fuckface too...

The Boob Lady said...

thepapadog: I LOVE fucktard. Fuckface is great too.

Anonymous said...

Hows about Dicky Donky Meat Whistle and Pimple Pecker Rub Chub

The Boob Lady said...

Anonymous: Beautiful!!

Anonymous said...

How about Hockey Bag and the little pink stink killer?


Anonymous said...

How about BJ and the Bear? I think one of 'em outta be called "Scooter".

stilettoheights said...

I Like Big Poppa, because you can change it up sometimes to "Big Daddy Pops"

that way sounds very "street"

Dave Evanns said...

I have been called Fuckwad, that is nice. I like Asshead too.

Flannery Alden said...

How about Douchebag and The Man?

Lynda said...

Oh, man. I can't think of any NICE names to call them. LOL

Erica AP said...

Just don't ever say, "They're GRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!!!" Like Tony the Tiger, because that will probably only make people think of cereal. :)

Crazy Eddie said...

How about Al-Qaeda and Taliban?

I'm sure that'll fit...

Oops, did I just say that?


Anon. Blogger said...

Daryl and Daryl might work.

CarmenSinCity said...

How about "leave me alone" and "i'm never coming to this store again". hehehe

They might be a tad bit long.

Emma said...

go with big poppa.
i call my friend eli big poppa. it makes him feel manly, even though i say it in an ironic way as he is in fact a little girl.
but back to your story. men are pervs. today at work 92843927432 old men leered, perved, and grinned nastily at me while i was arranging blazers.
and these were not attractive old men.
they were OLD MEN. with wrinkles, and war stories.

The Boob Lady said...

Anonymous (2): I love Hockey Bag and the Little Pink Stink Killer. LOVE IT!

Big Orange: I like Scooter. He actually kind of looked like a Scooter.

stilettoheights: I like sounding street. I'm all about the street. Big Daddy Pops sounds tough.

Dave Evanns: Asshead is good, but Assmunch is better. :)

Flannery: Douchebag is always amazing. It's one of my favorite words actually.

Lynda: Woman after my own heart.

Erica: I will try not to say that. Although, it is used quite often in my repertoire!

Crazy Eddie: Nice. I like it. And, I'm scared to call them anything too mean, they'll follow me. Or cut me off from buying gas and incidentals there.

Anon. Blogger: I wish there was a third! "My other brother Daryl".

CarmenSinCity: Although those are two great names, I think I'd perish if I couldn't stop there. It's so easily accessed when I'm on my way home from work. I think if I couldn't do it and had to go out of my way, I'd stop getting gas, and buying shit there. I can't have that!

Emma: Touché! I'm sorry that you're going through that. BUT, I am glad that we can commisserate!! Fuckin' old men eh? :)

Diesel said...

And now you know how I got the name "Diesel."

Alex Richards said...

What an insane story. Fucktard has always been a favorite. But big poppa is subtler. Ass munch?
Men are so retarded sometimes.

Skylers Dad said...

Stalker 1 and Stalker 2?

I hope not for your sake...

The Accidental Bitch said...

Um, they're totally going to think you're flirting with them. (If you make up nicknames for them, you're giving them special attention.)

Peter Matthes said...

I assume that this was an Exxon station.

I think you could have ended the conversation very quickly by saying, "Yes ... and tigers also have a heightened sense of smell, which is why you and I have no future together."

pezda said...

If he wants to be called Bear call him bear, or rather Yogi. Which makes the other one Boo Boo, of course.

The Boob Lady said...

Diesel: Indeed.

Alex Richards: They so totally are. I enjoy fucktard as well. Great minds...

Skylers Dad: I hope not too!!

TAB: Yeah, I know. You can help me with fending them off lessons!

Peter Matthes: I wish I'd've thought to say that. Damn.

Pezda: Very nice. Verrrrry nice.