Sunday, March 04, 2007

Go Into The Light...

My new apartment is fantastic.

I seriously love everything about it.

There is one downfall though.

I have no bathtub.

Don't get me wrong, I have somewhere to cleanse myself, I just don't have a tub to sit in.

I don't often like to sit in the bathtub for long periods of time anyway, but every now and then, a sister wants to take a load off, soak in the tub, have a glass of wine, and read a book.

Notsomuch at my place.

I have a stall.

A shower stall.
A ghetto one.

It's tiny too.

With barely enough room for me to properly cleanse all my womanly parts, the shower leaves much to be desired.

This evening as I was showering, I decided that I needed to shave my legs.

I saw my life flash before my eyes.

I am not even kidding.

Thanks to my flexibility and total devotion to shaving my legs, I somehow managed to prop one shapely leg at a time against the wall of the "shower" and do my business.

I thought I was going to die.

Before I knew it, I was tipping backwards into my shower caddy, razor in hand, seeing all the things you hear about before you die.

I thought it was my time.

As this was happening, all I kept thinking was that I was alone in here with my cats, nobody would know that I fell out of the shower, or got locked in an awkward position in the shower until I was at least 10 days late for work.

Nobody would come over.

Hell, harldy anyone knows where I live.

I was naked.
That's not what the poor paramedics need to see at first entry into my apartment.

If I was lucky, the fact that the window in the living room was open would have mummified me so that I was preserved in all my naked, wrinkly glory.

I made it out alive though, I'm dry, clothed, and I think I threw my hip out a little.

Besides that, I'm unscathed.


Peter Matthes said...

It's a closely guarded secret that paramedics like nothing better than to find 20 something year old naked women in their shower stalls. They especially hope for Jane Does with silky smooth legs.

Nobody™ said...

I would come over, but not if you were dead. And I don't know where you live.

Erica AP said...

Haha... Funny. I don't really take baths but I couldn't imagine shaving with that tiny cube of a shower...

g-man said...

At least you didn't get wedged in there. Even worse to have the paramedics come and find a LIVE you stuck in the shower with a leg all jammed up against the wall. Maybe you should have a phone installed in there just in case.

Dave Evanns said...

Next time call me, I will come over to watcha nd make sure you make it out alive.

Lynda said...

Now I am afraid to shave my legs. And the hair is so long, I can braid it.

What is a girl to do?