Thursday, March 15, 2007

Carlma...




Dear Carl,

Thank you so much for your lovely letter.

I appreciate it.

I really do.

Let's get one thing straight.

I pay for you.

If I stop said payments, you're a goner.

How do you like them apples?

Me telling people I want to drive you off a bridge was nothing.

Wait 'til you get a load of what they're going to hear tomorrow.

That Versa has more balls than you'll ever have, you pussy.

Turns out that Kia sucks donkey balls.

You're lucky that I didn't kill you off long ago.

By the way?

Your Magic 8 Ball can suck my left tit.

Oh, and about this morning...

Yeah, this morning, remember?

Around 11:45?

Ring a bell?

That's about the time that your sorry ass decided to conk out on me in the middle of daytime traffic.

I bet you had as much fun as me coasting uphill through three lanes of traffic, only to come to a complete halt in the middle of a convenience store parking lot at an angle.

The wait for a tow truck sure was sweet wasn't it?

Bet you didn't know that Mamma could swear so much did you?

About those lights you so generously left on for me last night?

Genius.

Thanks for that.

You're an asshole.

I think it's awesome that I got to spend $500.00 this afternoon fixing the alternator on your broke ass.

I really didn't want the money anyway.

Especially since I'd just paid off my Visa.

You're a real champ
.

We'll see how tough you are when I go trade you in next week.

But, then again, you're worthless, so they're going to laugh me out of the dealership.

You'd better sleep with one eye open, MY FRIEND, since you're the piece of shit that's going to be turned into scrap metal.

I did you a real favor by calling you a tuna can that time.

I actually made it appear as though you were worth more than you are.

You're a sorry excuse for a car.

Don't you "fuhgettabout" THAT.

I'm going to haunt your dreams.

Love,
The Boob Lady

8 comments:

Nobody™ said...

Wait, Carl is a KIA? That would explain a lot.

Peter Matthes said...

I can't believe this.

I was doing my nightly search for "left tit" and I find myself back here again.

Geeez.

Lynda said...

Shhh! The car dealers might think he is worth more than he is.

Erica AP said...

Wow - you guys are really going at it... But I think if I had to bet on one of you, I'd pick the boob lady because I think she's got more pull...

g-man said...

So how do you REALLY feel?

The Boob Lady said...

nobody: tell me about it.

peter: glad to be of service!

lynda: I highly doubt it!

erica: You're right, I'd take Carl out anyday!

g-man: Well, I'm full of hatred.

Crazy Eddie said...

Wow girl. You sound upset. You completely and utterly verbally assaulted this dude. Nice...

Now that's the language I speak.

You rock booby lady.

Besos

The Boob Lady said...

Crazy Eddie: I'm totally pissed. That car has ruined my day one too many times. He's gone, I don't need a man. :) Need a new Hag?