Saturday, December 23, 2006

They're About This Big...

Date: Thursday, December 21, 2006.

Time: 8:00 pm.

Place: Lingerie Store

Those Present: The Boob Lady, Drunk Pervert, Video Surveillance on wall.

Description of What Went Down:

I'm counting my till, preparing for the evening close.

In walks in Rico Suave.

Rico reeks. Smells like a distillery.

Strutting to the counter, Rico smirks at me.

I ask him if there's anything I can help him find to which he replies: "I need a matching bra and panty set."

I oblige in the beginning of the hunt.

Rico follows me around like a lost puppy while I show him some popular selections.

Rico decides that he's found the perfect gift.

I ask what size he's looking for.

He looks lovingly at my chest.

I suppress a gag.

He notices me looking oddly at him.

He then asks me to put a few different sizes of bras on the counter.

I oblige.

Once the bras are placed on the counter, Rico proceeds to stare each bra down and then slowly his hands creep up towards the counter ledge.

I wonder why he's acting so peculiar, other than the fact that he's clearly shitfaced.

Turns out that Rico simply wanted to cup all the bras in size sequence to see approximately what boob size he was looking to purchase the bra for.

I raise an eyebrow. (I'm good at that)

Rico decides on the 36 B.

I anticipate seeing this bra return to my store on the 27th of December when the mall re-opens.

**Open letter to drunk pervs**

Dear Drunk Perv,

Don't come in my store drunk and cup my bras after staring at my chest and deeming my hooters too big.

You're gross.


The Boob Lady


molly said...


a very disturbing experience.

jonahadkins said...

What's with all the drunk people at your mall...

Anonymous said...

I was gonna say... Am I missing something, here? I mean, I'm still pretty much a perv, but when *I* get drunk I stay at HOME and look up naughty movies on the 'net-- I don't go wandering around at the fucking MALL...

Then again, I don't smell, even when drunk, so perhaps this is an entirely different "class" of person.

Remind me not to stink when I oogle your boobs...

Erik said...

Great Blog!

Grant Miller said...

Jeez, sorry.

g-man said...

Sorry that you have to put up with that kind of thing. However, if there was an up side, you could put that video on YouTube. The drunken asshole channel.