Thursday, May 10, 2007

I Lied...No Finale Yet...




Wellhung:
Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart
:
I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung
:
I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart
:
I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung
:
OK

Sweetheart
:
We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung
:
I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart
:
I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung
:
Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart
:
I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung
:
I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart
:
I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung
:
My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart
:
That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung
:
I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart
:
Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung
:
I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart
:
I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung:
How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart
:
I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung
:
I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart
:
I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung
:
I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart
:
What?

Wellhung
:
I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart:
I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung
:
I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart
:
OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung
: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart
:
I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung
:
I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart
:
What's the matter?

Wellhung
:
I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart
:
Are you OK?

Wellhung
:
I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart
:
Can I help?

Wellhung
:
I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart
:
In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung
:
I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart
:
Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung
:
I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart
:
I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung
:
I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart
:
Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung
:
I found it.

Sweetheart
:
I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung
:
Me too.

Sweetheart
:
Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung
:
Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart
:
Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung
:
OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart
:
I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung
:
I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart
:
Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung
:
I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart
:
I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung
:
I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart
:
What's the matter now?

Wellhung
:
I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart
:
Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung
:
OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart
:
Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung
:
I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart
:
I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung
:
I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart
:
What?

Wellhung
:
I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart
:
I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung
:
I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart
:
No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung
:
No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart
:
I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung
:
I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart
:
Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung
:
Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart
:

29 comments:

Trouble said...

OMFG I can't breathe. Can't stop laughing. I so have to send this to my boyfriend. :)

Trouble said...

By the way, great blouse!

Lynda said...

ROFL! If it's her house, why put on the nasty blouse??

Captain Smack said...

"How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp."

That was the first thing that put me on the floor.

You have to hand it to sweetheart, though - she really did the best she could.

Brian Mandabach said...

Why is everybody laughing? This is so tragic.

Lynda said...

I tagged you. :)

Just Dave said...

That is absolutely hilarious. Wellhung is obviously related to Detective Monk.

ThePapaDog said...

My favorite part was taking off your sweatpants, yeeee your hands are cold.

Next time use something other than your hands...

Scarlet said...

Wow, you found the missing chat logs from the White House.

Poor Cheney. If he's not shooting someone in the face, it's himself in the foot!!

Anonymous said...

OMFG! Where do I begin!?! Damn I was literally LOL. He peed in the f**king laundry hamper? Stopped in the middle because he choked on a pube!?! Holy sh*t that's funny.
I know you've mentioned something about the finale, but please tell me there's more. If there aren't anymore, we should make one up.

Just thinkg about it, I already unleashed my cauliflower. Sorry. that never happens.

David

stilettoheights said...

another poignant story...I got teary eyed with "your girl thing"

and sweethearts boobs being "neat"

Trouble said...

Okay, now I'm just fixated on the blouse. where did you find it? I love that Asian style.

Reg said...

I am soooo glad I buy my blue sweat pants at Zellers and not a Wal Mart!

Chris said...

Remind me again why you're going to discontinue this series. These are amazing!

Skylers Dad said...

Oh that was such a great post, thank you BL for the best laugh in a long time!

Wellhung is obviously an engineer or geek.

The Boob Lady said...

Trouble: You're welcome!

Lynda: Why not!?

Captain Smack: She really did, didn't she?

Brian: HAHA!!

Just Dave: Absolutely.

ThePapaDog: Would that be as effective though?

Scarlet: I had to dig deep!

David: Hilarious, no? There will indeed be some more, the finale is not here yet! And, if you're willing to make new ones up with me, email me, we'll get on it. :)

stilettoheights: I'm so glad that I moved you.

Trouble: I just Googled Red Blouse. :)

Reg: Me too. There are major repercussions with WalMart brands.

Chris: I have to get on that. You won't be disappointed.

Skylers Dad: You're welcome! :) I'd say he's both.

Crazy Eddie said...

The combination of laughing out loud while simultaneously getting an erection was mind blowing...

You complete me. Keep these cumming.

Besos

g-man said...

You rock. That was too funny. I needed a good laugh, thanks.

Peter Matthes said...

Am I the only one that did not bother to read the Wellhung lines, and therefore got really aroused by this?

metrobabe said...

Is this made up? Really though, I can just picture the blue sweatpants, or 'dinkpants' as we call them up in our neck of the woods in northern NB...faded, a shot elastic waistband and elastic ankle cuffs...and just maybe a seam down the front of the leg...hotness maximus.

Frank Sirmarco said...

Did you get a hold of my sex tape?

How embarassing...

pezda said...

I'm crying. So funny. Can't. Stop. Laughing.

The Boob Lady said...

Crazy Eddie: I'm aroused right now. Thank you. Love you more than Cheese on Nachos.

g-man: You're more than welcome!

Peter Matthes: Ha, I doubt you're the only one!

metrobabe: I have no idea if it's made up, but it's damn hilarious. "Dinkpants" is AWESOME!!! I saw some of those at the mall today.

Frank: I didn't want you to find out like this. I'm so sorry.

pezda: :D

Iheartfashion said...

SOOOOO funny!

The Boob Lady said...

Iheartfashion: :) Glad you enjoyed!

tony said...

That was hilarious. I have no idea how I found your site, but that was just friggin' hilarious. I must admit, my mom would have laughed at my softcore porn too if it was that friggin' funny.

Good lord, you just won a spot on my blog roll. That was great!

twiffer said...

and people think cyber-sex is safe...

Teresa said...

TOO FUNNY, way too funny.

Al Sensu said...

The best thing about this one is that I first received and forwarded it in 1996. It's still hilarious.