Monday, February 05, 2007

It Was A Neck Snappin' Good Time...

Picture it:

It was a blustery day.

There was snow everywhere.

About 4 inches of it was resting peacefully and undisturbed on my car.

I am getting ready for work.

I decide that I should clean the car off before I dry my hair.

I go out in a pair of fleece pants, no bra, a hoodie, and a coat.

Armed with car keys and a heavy duty scraper, I begin the tedious task of brushing/scraping Carl.

Once task is complete, I replace scraper, lock the car door, and proceed to shuffle towards my front door.


Instead of making it safely to the warmth of my apartment, I end up somehow laying tits up in the middle of the street.

I had slipped on a patch of invisible ice.

My legs went out from under me, my arms flail, and I land on my tailbone.

The vision you are undoubtedly picturing is not unlike that of a baby giraffe taking its first steps.

I lay in the middle of the street for a few more moments before somewhat hurridly picking my frail and battered 87 year old body off the road.

I shuffle to the door in agony.

I complete the drying of my hair, all the while cursing like a trucker.

My back still hurts like hell today.


Paul Hughson said...

Twice. I have done this TWICE already this year. Same spot (stairs at the back of my place). And the first thought in your head is "Oh God, who saw that gawddamnthathurt!"

The Dancing Bear said...

I remember being "tits up" once. Some sorority's front yard and it wasn't ice that got me there.

Who said, "You can't get drunk on 3.2 beer"?

Dave Evanns said...

Damn, I need to go re-read this, you lost me after "I go out in a pair of fleece pants, no bra, a...."

But seriously, tailbone pain is THE WORST! I feel for you, I really do.

dirty said...

I love cursing like a trucker...just love it.

Flannery Alden said...

You have some the most spectacualar mishaps. Seriously, you should have your own TV show.

I thought of you this morning as I went to start Mr. Lawrence (my car) and he just wouldn't turn over. I asked my husband for a jump and he said the cables were fried and I'd have to take the jeep. I cried a little bit, got into the jeep, hung my parking tag on the rear-view mirror and the mirror fell off in my hands. "Jesus Fucking Christ" I yelled. I thought to myself: this is a Boob Lady Day.

Flannery Alden said...
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