It Was A Neck Snappin' Good Time...
Picture it:
It was a blustery day.
There was snow everywhere.
About 4 inches of it was resting peacefully and undisturbed on my car.
I am getting ready for work.
I decide that I should clean the car off before I dry my hair.
I go out in a pair of fleece pants, no bra, a hoodie, and a coat.
Armed with car keys and a heavy duty scraper, I begin the tedious task of brushing/scraping Carl.
Once task is complete, I replace scraper, lock the car door, and proceed to shuffle towards my front door.
Notsomuch.
Instead of making it safely to the warmth of my apartment, I end up somehow laying tits up in the middle of the street.
I had slipped on a patch of invisible ice.
My legs went out from under me, my arms flail, and I land on my tailbone.
The vision you are undoubtedly picturing is not unlike that of a baby giraffe taking its first steps.
I lay in the middle of the street for a few more moments before somewhat hurridly picking my frail and battered 87 year old body off the road.
I shuffle to the door in agony.
I complete the drying of my hair, all the while cursing like a trucker.
My back still hurts like hell today.
6 comments:
Twice. I have done this TWICE already this year. Same spot (stairs at the back of my place). And the first thought in your head is "Oh God, who saw that gawddamnthathurt!"
I remember being "tits up" once. Some sorority's front yard and it wasn't ice that got me there.
Who said, "You can't get drunk on 3.2 beer"?
Damn, I need to go re-read this, you lost me after "I go out in a pair of fleece pants, no bra, a...."
But seriously, tailbone pain is THE WORST! I feel for you, I really do.
I love cursing like a trucker...just love it.
You have some the most spectacualar mishaps. Seriously, you should have your own TV show.
I thought of you this morning as I went to start Mr. Lawrence (my car) and he just wouldn't turn over. I asked my husband for a jump and he said the cables were fried and I'd have to take the jeep. I cried a little bit, got into the jeep, hung my parking tag on the rear-view mirror and the mirror fell off in my hands. "Jesus Fucking Christ" I yelled. I thought to myself: this is a Boob Lady Day.
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