Friday, April 28, 2006

Hoppin' Homos Batman!

You know when you see something or someone that you just can't tear your eyes away from?

You really want to, but you just can't seem to stop staring?

That happened to me today, but it wasn't pleasant to look at. Not even a little.

I'm working hard in the store, minding my own business, when I look across the hall at Le Chateau. Let it be known that I usually love looking over there.

For research and professional purposes only.

Today unfortunately, something other than pretty tank tops and shiny things caught my eye.

It was someone who closely resembled a cross between Don Johnson circa 1984, George Michael circa 1992, and maybe Keith Urban. (Who I know only because I love gossip mags and websites, and know that he is marrying Cruiseazy's ex-wife.)

Don Michael Urban was wearing a turquoise top (one which can only be described as a blouse), a pair of flared bottom jeans (which were extremely distressed, grate holes, faded in all the right places, and so extremely tight on the thigh that I thought I would either see cock and balls, or pull a hamstring), a puka shell choker-style necklace, multiple silver rings, an earring, and shiny shoes.

Very shiny shoes.

DMU was also in possession of the latest hairstyle.

For women.

If it weren't for the lightning shaped sideburns, I would have guessed that he was sporting a weave. These sideburns were precision cut. We're talking, he must have taken a nose hair trimmer and gotten so close to the mirror, (Which I'm guessing he does anyway) that he could see every hair follicle and root.

A recent purchase of "Frost & Glow" must have been on his grocery list, because this guy was frosted to the tips. Holy Feck. He had a full-blown Farrah on the go. Flips, wings, frost, and just the right amount of mousse.

My hair has NEVER looked so good. Ever. I felt like Rumplestiltskin compared to this beauty.

Now that I'm on the hair, let's picture something together shall we? If you're good, you might even want to try it at home...

Slow motion now...

Look to the left.

Slowly bring your head to face the front.

Put your chin against your chest in the process.

Flip to the right while arcing your head up.

You have all just done the ultimate hair flip. Be proud of yourselves. Applaud yourselves. Give yourselves a cookie.

You can up your pace if you think that you can pull it off.

If you're talented, REALLY talented, you might even want to try it from right to left.

I promise you, it CAN be done.

I've never in my entire 25 and a half years experienced anything quite so gay.

And...... Scene.

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