Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Sad Crotch...


Okay, so I didn't do it.

Well, not completely...

I started, really, I did.

I wasn't fully prepared to flay myself out on a chaise lounge in some overpriced salon, so I bought a home Brazilian kit.

96.8% of it is still in the container in my purse.

Sweet Mother Fuck.

It hurt.

A lot.

I read all the instructions, prepared the "non-waxy, creamy" textured Satan GOO according to microwave directions.

Next, I spread it on as per said instructions, but since I'm a vagina waxing virgin, I started with a loonie sized drop of the horrible green sludge.

Notsofuckingmuch.

It was a "non-strip" kit, which meant you slather the shit on, wait a moment for it to cool, cock your leg up on the sink, pull up a small corner, brace yourself, bite down on a leather strap, and pull.

Long, sad story short, I look a wee bit like a cheetah downtown.

Schick it is.

16 comments:

Lynda said...

Well, I could have told you about the pain from when I did waxing to my legs, so I imagine it is 10x worse, at least.

Flenker said...

Yikes!

if it makes you feel better, my crotch-region is usually sad. Mainly from a lack of use.

Skylers Dad said...

Yowee! I hear this is how they make the detainees talk down in Gitmo.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Oh, I forgot to tell you - it hurts a lot more when you do it yourself. You have to not know the rip is coming - you know what I mean?

Nina said...

I am blonde everywhere so for me this does not matter, but let me say for the record.... don't rip your skin off. Just use the razor and be done with it. You are an adult. You are supposed to have hair on your whatsit.

Heather said...

OUCH!!!! I feel ya, I did the SAME exact thing...virgin beav waxer too -- and def. couldn't do anymore after that tiny bit! Tiny bit, but tons of pain!

Oh yeah, I tagged you! Check my blog!

g-man said...

Bummer dude. Now that should have been a video post, I bet it would have been funny! :)

Hot Lemon said...

i don't get the cheetah reference-- I need visuals. Pleez post. :^)

I think it works better if someone ELSE rips the shit off, no? I mean, if *I* tried to rip a whole ton of hair out by the roots on MYSELF, I'd never be able to do it. it probably also helps if they say something like, "OK, now on 3... One... T-- RIIIIP!!"

Palm Springs Savant said...

oh my gosh. yikes. ouch. so not to be gross or piggy (and really I'm not trying to be) how bout a discreet photo of it???

Crazy Eddie said...

Funny that for a comparison, you chose a cheetah...

Cheetah=Pussy

It was extremely brave of you to even attempt such a sadistic way of removing hair (especially on your tooty).

Much more love and respect baby...

Besos para siempre

Marni said...

That hurts like a mo-fo!!! I can't stand waxing...

alexgirl said...

oh my god, i can't believe you did that YOURSELF! Or at least tried. Yikes. It should be illegal to even SELL home Brazilian kits.

stilettoheights said...

this made me laugh and cry...hope your crotch is feeling better

'Bubbles' said...

Boob Lady!!! You are back!!! (sort of) Yahoo!!

I hear ya on the open upen up the blog and can't post thing. I admire you. You simply don't post... I, OTOH, make a big ass of myself... but I'm sooo experienced anyway.

Oh, the Brazilian thing, I'm still with GKL's approach. I've waxed at home, I've waxed at the salon, and if I'm going to go "clean" again, I'm with GKL.

If there is ever any action my way again, or I actually swim in public... GKL's solution is best.

Emma said...

I am against Brazilian waxes.
And so is my va-jay-jay.

Razor Mick said...

Fuck, I thought it was bad enough having it done to me. They even used some kind of topical anesthetic.