Saturday, May 13, 2006

Grubby Grab

If you're an avid reader, I'm sure you've noticed that work for me is rarely uneventful. It may be quiet, but it's NEVER boring.

There's always some fool you can make fun of as he/she walks by with a mullet, or wearing spandex and sandals with socks.

On what can only be called a "Special Day" last week, I was working away, minding my own business (as per usual) when a regular customer walked in. I walked over to begin the long task of helping her (She is a handful) when I noticed that unbeknownst to me, she had brought her young son.

Now, I normally enjoy children. Alot.

Not this child. At all.

He was, I'm sure, grown from the demon seed and has quite obviously grown into the devil incarnate in his short 4 and a half years.

So, I'm helping his mother, walking them both around the store, showing her the usual. Pyjamas, nighties, and the like, when demon-child starts to bounce around like a friggin' ball.

I'm serious, he wouldn't stand still. He was bouncing around, bobbing and weaving through racks, rolling on the floor, and jumping on the counter.

This, in the first 4 minutes of their arrival.

So, mom goes into the changeroom, and starts putting on her stuff. All the while, I can hear spawn chattering away.

They come out so ma can model her pj's (like I give a shit) and spawn starts running again. Ma wants a set of pj's that are on the wall, so I grab my trusty long hook and attempt to get them down with little to no effort.

That is, until spawn comes over.

He asks if I can show him how to use the hook. I oblige. Only because I think it may get them out of the store quickly.

Not so.

Mom and spawn are tottering around the store looking at more things, when spawn grabs the hook, runs over to his own wall, and attempts to take down some bras.

I am, at this point, cringing, as would you, I promise. I am envisioning things flying off the walls, landing on the floor, and being left there for me to fix. I pray that this doesn't happen.

To my dismay, it doesn't.

What does happen however, is that Ma needs another pair of pj's. They've been here for approximately a half hour at this point.

I grab the hook, spawn follows. I think he's merely going to help me get the pj's down.

Not so much.

Instead, I am mid-reach, aiming for the pj's, while spawn is also in mid-reach.

For my boob.

That's right. My right boob.

It was also very clearly it was pre-meditated, as it was not his arm that brushed up against my boob, or his hand reaching for the pole while grazing a little boob edge.

It was a full-on, reach up, open handed, boob squeeze.

I didn't know what to do. What does one do when the spawn of Satan grabs one of your mammaries? I felt like I needed a shower.

Do I tell his mother? (Who, by the way, is completely oblivious.) Do I grab spawn, put him in a headlock and throw down?

I didn't know.

So, instead, I grabbed the pj's, gave them to Ma, threw the kid an evil look, and walked away.

I did however contemplate asking spawn out for dinner afterwards.

Is that wrong?


Anonymous said...

Hilarious!!! I love your life!!! It's so entertaining!!! Stay away from the Spawn.....he's a typical male boob feeler. You deserve more than that...he could of at least grabbed both of them!!! Did he enjoy it?? I'm sure he did as I always want to squeeze those puppies too!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

That is sooooo funny. I gotta get me a job like yours. Mine is so drab and boring day after day. Spawn sounds like a little boy I once knew......maybe some 25 years ago???