Friday, October 06, 2006

Mental Picture of the Day

I recently had a mature woman come in to the store looking for bathing suits for an upcoming trip down south.

I showed her my selection and she asked if she could try some on.

I gathered her choices and set them in the fitting room. Not expecting to see her for some time.

A few moments later, I hear a hushed "Psst.. Excuse me Miss?"

"Yes, what can I do for you?"

"Can you tell me how this looks?"

"Sure." I reply.

Dear Lord above. I truly, truly wish I hadn't agreed to offer my opinion.

I am an honest worker, I tell my customers the truth. Which is part of the reason most of them are repeats.

This time, however, I wish that I had been with someone else at the time.

*****************Disturbing Mental Picture Begin*****************

The bathing suit was 3 sizes too small, hugged said "Mature" woman in all the wrong spots, gave her what I have termed "Hungry Bum", and the ever present camel toe.

Also, there were several tufts of unruly short and curlies peeking out from the bikini line.

All of our customers are aware that they must keep on their undergarments before trying on items of "intimate" nature, and this woman obliged, but I could see her underwear, under the bathing suit, and this STILL didn't stop the little buggers from showing themselves.

*****************End Disturbing Mental Picture*****************

I stifled a sob, smiled politely, told her that the suit looked fantastic, and that she should definitely buy it.

And the matching cover-up.

And some slippers. (Why slippers you ask? Why not slippers?)

Hell, if you're going to make my eyes bleed, the very least you can do is spend some money.


Big Orange said...

oh my. This is why I prefer being a nudist. Even mature "people of size" look one HELL of a lot better with NOTHING on squarshing their bits than with suits on.

Zb. said...


Now I remember why I hated working on a retail floor, and why I was so bad at it.

"No sir, that penguin tie would not look good with that shirt"

"Yes sir, I understand that it's the same as my tie, but you must understand. I have bad taste."