Monday, September 18, 2006

An open letter to all job applicants...

So, you've decided to apply for a job.

Good for you.

Whether it's your first time, or you've done it before, you must know some basic rules. Don't be fooled. As much as they may seem like common sense, to many, they are not.

I don't know how, I don't know why, but some people seem to think that going for a job interview is almost like going to the bar.

It is not.

Basic Rules:

1. No Jeans *If you come to a job interview wearing jeans, you are more than likely not going to get the job. Unless you're applying at some sort of denim ranch. Even then, you are probably not going to get the job.*

2. No Tube/Halter/Backless/Pleather/Leather Tops *If I can see most of your rack, any prospect of a nipple slip, your back fat, or your bra, you are probably not going to get the job.*

3. Clothing That Fits *If I can see you're sporting a thong, a "muffin top", any form of "double boob", or, again, your back fat, you are probably not going to get the job.*

4. Camel Toe *Enough said.*

5. Interest In The Advertised Position *If you don't remember where you've applied, you're probably not going to get the job.*

6. Ability To Work Shifts *If you come into the interview and open by saying: " I can't work on ... or... and I need this off..., you're probably not going to get the job.*

7. Come Alone *If you come in with your posse, you are probably not going to get the job.*

Although this is only a small portion of the basic rules, I feel that this is sufficient to cover at least the resume drop off/interview portion of the evening..

I will add as I see fit, and/or, as more tards drop me off resumes.


Big Orange said...

uh, yeah, I THOUGHT those were common sense rules, until I realized that a whole SHITLOAD of people ain't GOTS NO common sense no mo'. I think it starts around age 10 or so...

Grant Miller said...

I have camel toe while reading this.

Anonymous said...

What absolute rubbish. If you turn up for jobs in a suit then you'll only get jobs where all the people wear suits.

If you are the kind of person who hates wearing suits, you'll hate your life for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week for the rest of your life.

I've seen numerous people get turned away from jobs because they insisted on over-dressing for the interviews.

If you must dress like a bank manager for your interview and you notice that nobody in the company is dressed like you... For God's sake don't dress the same for the second interview if you get one.