"Are you there God? It's me, Giraffe..."

So I've developed a new addiction.

No, it's not porn.

That's not a new addiction.

It's youtube.

Seriously. Have you checked it out? I could seriously watch it for a living. You can find anything there.

Please partake in this glorious clip, courtesy of Robot Chicken. One of the best shows ever made.

Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGvw6WpHSF4

Who knew?/Wow!

Who Knew? http://ebaumsworld.com/2006/11/trained-bees.html

Wow! http://www.ebaumsworld.com/2005/12/2legdog.html

Thank You Maine...

The following is a photograhic dramatization of my evening. I must say, it was quite enjoyable.

First: Second:

Third:

Fourth:

And Finally:

**All identifying names and places have been changed to protect all individuals involved in this glorious, glorious evening. **

An Open Letter to All Christmas Shoppers...

The season is upon us, dear readers...

That's right, Christmas shopping season is in full swing.

They're coming out of the woodwork now. They're animals. Get in the way, and you're hamburger. Old ladies pushing empty carts will check you out of the way without lifting a cane.

This is an open letter to all of you lovely people out there who make working retail such a joy. Don't get me wrong, I looooove my job, but seriously, come on, would it really hurt that bad if you smiled?
-------------------------------
Dear Christmas Shopper,

Please don't hurt me. What did I ever do to you? (Besides provide extraordinary customer service, that is.)

First, the thank you's.

Thank you for shopping at my store.

Thank you for spending lots of money at my store for your wife, girlfriend, mother, and/or sister, whatever.

Thank you for being in the store all day, this makes my day go fast, which in turn, means I'm that much closer to leaving.

That's it. I'm wiped.

Second.

Fuck you.

Fuck you for not even AKNOWLEDGING my presence. When I say: "Hello, how are you doing today?" and you respond with: "I'm just looking..." and then you turn away from me? Not cool. I didn't ask if you needed help, I asked you how you were. Be nice.

I swear, sometimes, I think I'm the Assistant Manager's invisible friend and only she can see me.

Fuck you for only coming in to my store when I'm on a ladder (With proper supervision of course...) and there're racks and pyjamas all over the place.

How bout you come in when it's nice and clean. And quiet. It gives me something to do.

Fuck you for shopping at my store with your piss poor, woe is me attitude. What happened to "Holiday Spirit"? What about common decency towards man? Did your mother raise you that badly?

I don't care that you lost your list, or that the "other" store is cheaper.

Go there.

It'll fall apart.

A week after Christmas.

Tops.

Don't come running back to me.

Fuck you for getting mad at me when I can't break a hundred dollar bill. Sorry Daddy Warbucks, but Little Orphan Annie's cash register is not stacked. (Unlike herself...)

Fuck you for getting mad at me because I ran out of boxes. You think you're out shopping early? Not a chance.

I've got 110 year old ladies that were done in October.

Of 2005.

For this year.

Fuck you for asking me to show you something that you've been searching for, showing you a dozen of said item, and then complain that it's not "Exactly what you were looking for" and leave without buying something.

Fuck you for getting mad at me because the debit machine is down. It's not my fault. I just work there. I don't run the banks.

Next time, bring cash just in case.

Most of all, Fuck you for being rotten first thing in the morning before I've had my caffeine and sugar dosage. This has to happen before I plant the fake smile on my face for the rest of the day.

That is all.

Merry Chrismukkahwanzaa to all.

A Walk Down Memory Lane...

I thought I'd share with everyone a lovely moment from my childhood.

I came across this gem last weekend while I was visiting with my out of town grandmother while I was on a hiatus from a work conference.

Fuck, I was hot. (not that I'm still not, but you get the idea...)

Seriously, check out the sweet threads I'm sporting.

I mean, really.

Who could have known that Ghostbusters sweats were to 1985 what Juicy Couture is to the 2000's...

I know, you're jealous.

It even looks like I'm hovering.

Don't ask. I wouldn't tell my secret, even if I knew how I did it.

It takes great pains to be so cool. Trust me, I know. I've been working for over 20 years to get it back.

I could write a book, or a screenplay: "How Slimer Got Jenn Her Groove Back".

It's catchy, I like it.

Try and bite your tongues though. The mushroom/bowl cut combo is a lot to take in at once.

Don't hate.

**Sidenote: The adorable fat kid who looks like he's taking a dump at the end of the couch is my brother. God love him.

Boo Monday...

Oops..

This may or may not be the reason I got an extra special patdown at the airport last week.

I'm not sayin' see...

Umm...

I'll let this one speak for itself. Don't worry, I got you ALL one for Christmas!! Hooray!!

**Please note the honky on the left with the rat tail and the lazy eye. And is he missing a finger? Is he sporting a nubbin? Or is he simply hiding the "golden nugget" he dug out of his nose three seconds to this photo being taken?**

***Please also note the three young male models are holding hands***

****Also note the young man in the middle doing the patented "Look how hot I am, biting my lower lip" bit.****

You knew I wouldn't be able to let this photo speak for itself.

Holy Snow Balls..

Mi madre, mi perro, y un "shitload" de la nieve...

Taken today, this photograph depicts what it's like to walk outside.

In November.

With lots of snow.

And a happy Black Labrador.

And a possibly not so happy Mema.

Sir Links A Lot

I was going through and re-reading all the blogs that I frequent this evening, even though I've read them all to their fullest extent. While reading them, I thought, why not share the joys that I experience each day with others. Sharing does mean caring you know. That being said, they're all on the right. I'll add some more soon, I'm tired though, and getting cranky, and we don't want that. Well, you don't anyway...

Let Us Pray...

Come one, come all.

My Babies!!

Just thought I'd share some photos of my children. They are too cute not to share. I swear, sometimes it's like I done birthed 'em mahself!!


Here they are IN the laundry basket. Together. On my clean clothes. Fuckers. :)

Here's Todd, the kitten, sitting IN a basket ON the microwave. Kooky!

They're too cute aren't they? The have to be together all the time. This picture was taken as I sat at the computer. They had to be nearby.

These two crazy cats love sleeping in my Roots bag together. They're nuts. I love it.

Oh MiPod!

I have re-fallen in love with my iPod.

Technically I never fell out of love with Randy, but I did neglect him for a while. We're back together.

I've never been happier.

Right now, I'm listening to a lot of Wintersleep. This is a band from out in these parts, and they're excellent. I very much enjoy them.

I'm also bopping to some Nas, The Stills, The Rogers Sisters, (Who I've recently been introduced to and very much enjoy), Sufjan, as usual, and I threw in a little bit more to keep me on my toes.

My most played songs this weekend are probably:

Chicago- Sufjan Stevens
Hands Open- Snow Patrol
Hip Hop is Dead- Nas
Avalanche- Wintersleep
Danse Macabre- Wintersleep
A Good Man is Hard to Find- Sufjan Stevens

That's my two cents for today!

If

if i called you, would you answer?

if i moved you, would you tell me?

if i needed you, would you hold me?

if i touched you, would you kiss me?

if i told you, would you believe me?

if i asked you, would you come?

Home!

I am finally here! Just as I suspected, there is a SHITLOAD of snow, and the temperature is well below zero.

When I left my home yesterday, it had been close to 15 degrees above zero. (Celcius for all your Fahrenheit folks) It was glorious.

I wore flip flops all the way to the hotel in Montreal last night.

I knew, however, that my mother would murder me if I got off the airplane without wearing shoes, so I sucked it up, put on socks and shoes, and suffered through it.

Let it be known that I DO NOT wear shoes. Or socks for that matter. I loathe them.

I put on my sandals in February and wear them until approximately the middle of November, sometimes December if I am lucky. Not so much this year.

There are snow drifts.

There are skidoos out.

There are people wearing *gasp* winter coats, hats, and mittens. And don't forget the shoes. Dammit, I think I saw boots too.

I will wear socks and shoes until I leave, just so that my mother continues to feed and love me.

Once I get back to Montreal however, the shoes are off. The toes come back out.

I will supply some photographs tomorrow. Maybe I'll send some squalls and blizzards your way.

Finally!

A small, albeit well-deserved vacation starts tomorrow.

I am going to visit my parents in Northern Canada.

I will be away until Thursday of next week, but have no fear loyal readers.

I shall update with tales of snow and frolicking. Anyone need some snowballs?

***I should also mention, that this is literally the "highway" (and I use the term highway very, very loosely) where I am from. I shit you not.