Guest Post...

The following is my first guest post from none other that Captain Smack...

I'm sure you will be entertained!
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(In tonight's episode, The part of The Boob Lady will be played by Captain Smack.)

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I just don't get the kids today. Have you seen the new crop of kids? What is it with these idiots? They can't seem to do anything right. They can't drive worth a crap, they don't know the difference between a credit card and a debit card, they can't hold down a job. They have no sense of civic responsibility, they never show up at the polls on election day... they haven't bothered to learn to read or write or do math. Hell, most of the one's I've met don't even know how to walk or talk. No, they just lay around all day, drooling on themselves and making funny noises.

And, frankly, they smell weird.

These people contribute almost nothing to society, and yet they expect their “Mommies” to take care of them. It's truly pathetic. And the worst part is that that's exactly what these mommies do! They coddle them and fawn all over them, feed them, dress them, and tuck them into bed. They even bathe them, for crying out loud. And talk about attention whores – oh my GOD! These kids are almost as bad as Paris Hilton! They need almost CONSTANT attention. They always seem to want something.... if it's not attention they're after, then it's food. If it's not food, then it's a beverage. Sometimes they even want you to change their clothes because they have literally crapped themselves. Their “gimme gimme gimme” attitude never ends. And when they don't get what they want right away? They start crying. Next thing you know, here comes Mommy to sooth and pamper them until they're pacified. Personally, I find the whole thing a little sickening.

Look - I'm not trying to be insensitive here, ok? It's not that I have anything against this segment of society, but I say it's time to cut the little monsters off. No more free lunches. No more free rides. No more patting them on the back, I don't care how bad they have to burp. It's for their own good. If you keeping taking care of them and indulging their every whim, what chance do they have of making it in the real world?
But do I blame the kids themselves? No. The blame rests upon the shoulders of all these soft, bleeding heart parents, who think that it's their duty to “nurture” these kids, to “take care of” them, to “provide them with food, shelter, and clothing”.

Seriously, you should hear some of the excuses these enabler's use. They say things like: “But they're only children” or “They will starve if I don't feed them”. Another little pearl of wisdom I hear a lot: “But you have to learn to crawl before you can walk”. Oh, and let's not forget my favorite excuse: “But their prefrontal lobes have not yet fully developed, thereby making analytical and linguistic functioning virtually impossible”. Oh, cry me a river. It's almost as if these parents – especially the females, let's be honest – are somehow programmed to believe all this nonsense. It's almost like it's some type of built-in "biological drive" or something.

Well, I've had enough. I say it's time to cut the umbilical cord. I say it's time to ween them from their mother's teet. I say it's time for these kids to stop crying, straighten up, and start walking on their own two feet.

They're not getting any younger, you know.