The Ups and Downs of Boobs and Things

Ahh, Good Times...

2008-08-11T20:01:00.003-04:00

You know what's fantastic?

Peeing in your pants.

I laugh; I pee.

I sneeze; I pee.

I cough; I pee.

You get the picture.

Bébé is sitting so close to, or on rather, my bladder.

It's the best feeling ever.

Actually, when the bébé is not on my bladder, he/she is on my sciatic nerve sending excrutiating jolts of pain through me no matter how I move or am positioned.

I couldn't be happier.

:)

Umm...

2008-06-18T21:12:00.002-04:00

So I did it.

I got married.

Three days later, I found out I was pregnant!!

(SOOOOOO, this means it totally WASN'T a shotgun wedding.. We didn't know.. Stop thinking it!!!)

Turns out, just kissing on the mouth makes a baby these days!!!

xo

Tide...

2008-04-04T22:39:00.003-04:00

This one is for old time's sake.

A lil' something to tide y'all over... You know the drill.

If you don't, welcome to paradise!!!

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: im good

el_effu_gone_wild: wuz up babe how u been

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: so good now

el_effu_gone_wild: what u doing

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: chilling at home

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: and now im thinking about you

el_effu_gone_wild: me too babe

el_effu_gone_wild: what's up what u wanna do

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: ciber

el_effu_gone_wild: are u wet?

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: I don't know are you baby?

el_effu_gone_wild: im soaking wet

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: what do you like?

el_effu_gone_wild: big tasty pussies

el_effu_gone_wild: u got one

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: oh yeah, me to

el_effu_gone_wild: are u naked?

el_effu_gone_wild: what are ur measurements

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: we are are making out on the couch

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: re you a dude?

el_effu_gone_wild: yeah why?

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: god damn it so am i

el_effu_gone_wild: forget it

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: thats ok we can still make this work. wear on the couch and I'm rubbing your tits

el_effu_gone_wild: oh hell no

el_effu_gone_wild: no way

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: come on,I was in prison. How about you?

el_effu_gone_wild: never been there thank you

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: your welcome

el_effu_gone_wild: ok

el_effu_gone_wild: you can try

el_effu_gone_wild: with

el_effu_gone_wild: madamlibrarian21

el_effu_gone_wild: that's a nick find her yourself

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: I go down on your warm wet pussy

el_effu_gone_wild: try also anamaria_maria2003 you might find her too

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: licking it

el_effu_gone_wild: you aint going nowhere with me

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: then I turn you over and make you eat my ass. mmmmm that fills good babe your tits are
big

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: Oh mmmm, just like that. I take you by the hips and do you fast lick a prison Guard

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: hello

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: el_effu_gone_wild are you playing?

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: hi?

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: answer me bitch or i'll stab you on the block

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: I didn't mean that come back to bed

juicy_fruity_x_lifesaver: that's it fish, your going to be guided

I know...

2008-04-04T22:34:00.001-04:00

I do.

I'm sorry.

I'm here.

I read.

I'll post.

I promise.

Absenteeism...

2008-03-03T20:07:00.001-05:00

I know, I suck.

I'm sorry.

I'm working on getting some new material.

This shit is hard after having been a slacker for so long.

Don't stop loving me.

Oui Oui...

2008-01-21T21:45:00.001-05:00

It's true.

I am getting married.

What was supposed to be a March wedding has now been pushed to a little later date.

Not really sure when, we're winging it.

Thank you for all the congratulations and even the ones that are non-maritally inclined.

:)

Hitched...

2008-01-08T22:02:00.000-05:00

Yowza...

I'm getting married!

In a month and a half.

I know, I'm nuts.

I've never been happier though.

Think you can all make it?!

Smoove...

2007-11-11T21:45:00.000-05:00

It got done.

Properly this time.

By a professional.

Thank God.

It's lovely.

And not nearly as painful as I had imagined.

OR, as painful as I made it when I attempted to do a professionals work myself, in my bathroom, with no mirror, while hunched over and sitting on the toilet.

You're welcome for the visual. (I should actually be apologizing...)

Sad Crotch...

2007-10-31T23:36:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I didn't do it.

Well, not completely...

I started, really, I did.

I wasn't fully prepared to flay myself out on a chaise lounge in some overpriced salon, so I bought a home Brazilian kit.

96.8% of it is still in the container in my purse.

Sweet Mother Fuck.

It hurt.

A lot.

I read all the instructions, prepared the "non-waxy, creamy" textured Satan GOO according to microwave directions.

Next, I spread it on as per said instructions, but since I'm a vagina waxing virgin, I started with a loonie sized drop of the horrible green sludge.

Notsofuckingmuch.

It was a "non-strip" kit, which meant you slather the shit on, wait a moment for it to cool, cock your leg up on the sink, pull up a small corner, brace yourself, bite down on a leather strap, and pull.

Long, sad story short, I look a wee bit like a cheetah downtown.

Schick it is.

Movin'...

2007-10-31T23:27:00.000-04:00

Hey Kids,

I'm moving!

Not only am I moving out of my little crack shack, I'm moving into a real live house!!

My internet will be away until the 7th, and I know you're all thinking; "It's not like the bitch is posting anything lately anyway, I don't know why she thinks we care." but, I do.

Think you care that is.

Really.

Don't you?

I promise, I'll be back.

I literally open my Blogger every single day with the intention of posting something witty and clever, but I just can't do it.

My poor mind is frazzled and on overload.

Please forgive my asshole-yness.

Biscuits...

2007-10-16T22:18:00.001-04:00

I totally saw Mother Fuckin' Cookie Ears at the mall the other night..

I damn near shit my pants.

Her flowing Brillo Pad hair was tucked ever so gently behind them, which only served to accentuate the sheer size of her mammoth hearing vessels.

Seriously, I can't shake her.

Perhaps that small hole I noticed in my neck last year around this time was actually a GPS unit Cookies had installed to keep track of me.

All I hear as I type this are the lyrics to Somebody's Watching Me, by Rockwell...

Creepy.

Let's Take A Trip...

2007-10-16T22:14:00.000-04:00

To Brazil.

I'm going to need the ladies on this one..

Men, I'm sure you're going to comment as well..

So, girls, how do you feel about Brazilian waxing?

I'm on the fence..

Speechless...

2007-10-10T22:07:00.001-04:00

Ennui...

2007-09-12T23:19:00.000-04:00

Oh, how I've missed you..

Seriously, I thought about you every day.

Still do.

I don't know how I could treat you this way.

I'm a much better person than that.

I've slacked and that's just plain unacceptable.

I've got so many hilarious stories from the new store, I don't even know where to start..

I'm going to have to compile a short story book and send it to you all.

Would you read it?

Partay...

2007-09-06T01:25:00.001-04:00

I'm pretty sure I need this kid at my next function.

Back off, I saw him first..

Date...

2007-09-02T01:37:00.000-04:00

OMFG...

I've got one.

I don't know how to act on a date..

Pray for my soul.

xx

Ma'am...

2007-08-19T20:35:00.000-04:00

I went to the pharmacy a few minutes ago to pick up a few amenities.

I get to the counter and the young gentleman who served me rings up my purchases and then tells me my total.

I hand over my money and my points card and he says:

"Thank you ma'am."

I snort a little and say:

"Ma'am!?"

(Completely kidding of course..)

He says:

"It's the polite thing to say!"

"Of course", I say.

He says; "Well, if you were in your twenties, I would have said Miss."

...

I am in my twenties.

For three more years.

Three FULL years.

DAMMIT!!

Guest Post...

2007-08-16T11:56:00.000-04:00

The following is my first guest post from none other that Captain Smack...

I'm sure you will be entertained!
-------

(In tonight's episode, The part of The Boob Lady will be played by Captain Smack.)

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I just don't get the kids today. Have you seen the new crop of kids? What is it with these idiots? They can't seem to do anything right. They can't drive worth a crap, they don't know the difference between a credit card and a debit card, they can't hold down a job. They have no sense of civic responsibility, they never show up at the polls on election day... they haven't bothered to learn to read or write or do math. Hell, most of the one's I've met don't even know how to walk or talk. No, they just lay around all day, drooling on themselves and making funny noises.

And, frankly, they smell weird.

These people contribute almost nothing to society, and yet they expect their “Mommies” to take care of them. It's truly pathetic. And the worst part is that that's exactly what these mommies do! They coddle them and fawn all over them, feed them, dress them, and tuck them into bed. They even bathe them, for crying out loud. And talk about attention whores – oh my GOD! These kids are almost as bad as Paris Hilton! They need almost CONSTANT attention. They always seem to want something.... if it's not attention they're after, then it's food. If it's not food, then it's a beverage. Sometimes they even want you to change their clothes because they have literally crapped themselves. Their “gimme gimme gimme” attitude never ends. And when they don't get what they want right away? They start crying. Next thing you know, here comes Mommy to sooth and pamper them until they're pacified. Personally, I find the whole thing a little sickening.

Look - I'm not trying to be insensitive here, ok? It's not that I have anything against this segment of society, but I say it's time to cut the little monsters off. No more free lunches. No more free rides. No more patting them on the back, I don't care how bad they have to burp. It's for their own good. If you keeping taking care of them and indulging their every whim, what chance do they have of making it in the real world?
But do I blame the kids themselves? No. The blame rests upon the shoulders of all these soft, bleeding heart parents, who think that it's their duty to “nurture” these kids, to “take care of” them, to “provide them with food, shelter, and clothing”.

Seriously, you should hear some of the excuses these enabler's use. They say things like: “But they're only children” or “They will starve if I don't feed them”. Another little pearl of wisdom I hear a lot: “But you have to learn to crawl before you can walk”. Oh, and let's not forget my favorite excuse: “But their prefrontal lobes have not yet fully developed, thereby making analytical and linguistic functioning virtually impossible”. Oh, cry me a river. It's almost as if these parents – especially the females, let's be honest – are somehow programmed to believe all this nonsense. It's almost like it's some type of built-in "biological drive" or something.

Well, I've had enough. I say it's time to cut the umbilical cord. I say it's time to ween them from their mother's teet. I say it's time for these kids to stop crying, straighten up, and start walking on their own two feet.

They're not getting any younger, you know.

Iron Chef...

2007-08-06T23:17:00.000-04:00

Seriously... Someone has to take me to see this.

Any Takers...

2007-08-05T13:21:00.000-04:00

Big Orange had a great idea.

He suggested that I have a guest blogger while I get back into the swing of things...

If you would like to guest blog, please, leave me a comment or drop me a line.. I would love to hear from you!!

All Apologies...

2007-07-31T22:04:00.001-04:00

I really am alive this time.

I've been going through some stuff and needed a breather.

I tapped the well dry.

Hopefully you still love me.

I miss you.

x

Alive...

2007-07-14T00:44:00.001-04:00

I'm alive!

Before you send out search parties, or a mob, I thought I'd make an appearance.

I'm sorry I've kept you waiting so long...

I'm a terrible person..

I know that.

I promise you though, that I will be back in full form soon.

I have seen great benefit come of my hiatus, I'm feeling refreshed, and ready to knock your socks off.

Don't break up with me yet.

x

Out...

2007-07-03T07:00:00.001-04:00

I'll be out of the building until Friday!

Huzzah...

Wait for me?

Toot...

2007-07-02T23:39:00.001-04:00

Overheard while waiting in line to pay for my fill-up at the Gas Station convenience store:

Cashier: "Sir, did you have any gas with that?"

Man Carrying Rolaids: "No, just the rolaids."

*Blush*

Me: *Snicker.*

Coo-Coo-Cookies...

2007-06-30T20:03:00.001-04:00

Guess who I saw today?

Mother fuckin' cookie ears!!!

I swear, she was trotting around the mall in a pair or high heel sneakers. Yeah, you know the ones.

Her earrings were BIGGER than ever!

I almost shat myself.

THEN... I went North in the city to the drug store, and lo and behold, in strolls cookie ears.

Sumbitch.

I can't shake her.

To Boob Or Not To Boob...

2007-06-28T14:05:00.000-04:00

So, I've switched jobs.

I'm working for a top athletic retailer now.

Quite the shift from my previous employer.

So far, I'm loving it.

I went from slinging bras and panties to schlepping sneakers and insoles.

Who knew?

I'll have plenty of hilarious stories to tell soon, I've got a few under my belt already, I'm just waiting for the right time to spring them on you.

Thanks for sticking around, it means a lot.

Plus, feel free to call me whatever you like; The Boob Lady, The Foot Lady, I'll leave the title of the blog as is for now, until I find a name that suits it perfectly.

Crazzzaaaayyy...

2007-06-27T22:58:00.000-04:00

Hey Kids,

I'm alive..

I'm terribly sorry that I'm not commenting or blogging right now.

I started a new job and I've been working for what seems the last 203981203987 days.

I promise, I won't let you down.

I'll be back.

With a vengeance.

You'll see.

Stick with me.

x

Papa...

2007-06-17T22:54:00.000-04:00

Again, I use my freedom of speech to declare my love for a wonderful person in my life.

An amazing man, that, without his love, I wouldn't be who I am today.

Thank you for letting me be myself.

Thank you for talking to me about girl things, even though I'm sure you would rather not.

You listen to me bitch, you listen to me laugh, and you listen to me cry.

Never do you have a bad word to say to me. (Unless, of course, it's the "word of the day"...)

Thank you for being a rock in a sometimes unsteady pasture.

I count my blessings everyday for you, you know what I mean.

I can't imagine my life without you.

You help Mema pad the bank accounts, even though you're working so hard for that money.

You play endless amounts of online poker with me, and you stay up into the wee hours when I last longer. (Which is more often than you I believe...)

You laugh at my jokes, even when you don't get them.

You laugh so hard you cry when I make Mema laugh so hard that she's had to pass the phone over to you.

You support me in every choice I make, even when I'm not sure I'm making the right one.

You go along with it when Mema sends me care packages full of things that I should be able to get myself.

You leave love notes in those care packages, because you know how much I love getting them.

You love us unconditionally and tell us so.

You tell me how proud you are of me, no matter what I'm doing at the time.

You roll with it when I tell you my suspicions with regards to your listening to Enya.

You lovingly call me the dog's name and then hilariously pretend you didn't do it. (Or, you do it on purpose.)

Contrary to what they say, you make me feel like I can always come home.

No matter how far away I am, you always make me feel like we're so close.

Despite everything that we've all gone through over the years, you are, by far, my favorite man in the world.

I'll always be your little girl, I'll always be your baby.

You're always in my heart, thoughts, and a piece of you is put into everything that I do.

Thank you for loving me, for being a part of my creation, for being there whenever I need you.

You are a pillar of strength, a formidable human being, and you'll always be my hero.

Enjoy the day that was made for you.

Happy Father's Day.

I love you so much.

**Update: Turns out, it's Enigma, not Enya. My apologies.

Break...

2007-06-17T21:58:00.000-04:00

I'm back kids.

I'm sorry I scared you.

I've actually just given my notice at the "Boob" place.

I'm going to let things fall into place.

I've earned some good karma I think, I intend to cash in now.

:)

I'll give you more details as they become available.

Thanks for sticking around!

You guys are the best.

(PS: I am still reading all of your blogs, I have just been sooo busy that I haven't had the time to comment on them all, be patient! I'll be with it soon!)

Ahh, Pudding...

2007-06-15T22:05:00.000-04:00

Overheard tonight:

Name Protected: "Did you hear about the new diet pill on the market?"

Me: No, what is it?

Name Protected: "Well, apparently, one of the side effects is that you'll pudding in your pants."

Me: "I'm sorry, did you just say "Pudding in your pants?"

Name Protected: "BWAHAHA!! Yes, I was just watching a pudding commercial."

Me: "..."

Bom Chicka Bow Wow...

2007-06-10T22:29:00.001-04:00

I frequent this comic strip every day.

I never posted one before now because, well, I didn't want to have to share.

They're awesome.

Seriously, go there and start at the beginning.

I promise you that you'll cringe, cry, laugh, snort, and keep going back for more.

(Not necessarily in that order..)

Enjoy!

Boob News...

2007-06-10T22:23:00.000-04:00

Hey kids...

I have some news.

I don't know how you're going to take it.

It's not you, it's me.

I just, I... Oh, God...

This is so hard.

Okay, I'm just going to say it.

I'm not going to be the Boob Lady anymore.

Thinking Blogger...

2007-06-08T21:25:00.000-04:00

Jenn over at Stiletto Heights nominated me for a Thinking Blogger Award.

I'm so honored!

Who knew that this little ol' Boob Lady would make someone think!

Thanks Jenn!

Lemming...

2007-06-07T22:41:00.000-04:00

Since everyone else is doing it, why can't I?

Nothing came up for "The Boob Lady Needs", so I went ahead and used my first initial.

J needs to play.

J needs to work on her parenting.

J needs to find herself a baller.

J needs one.

J needs to have a cap!

J needs a clone.

J needs balance.

J needs some uninterrupted time to work on converting the first 140 or so comics.

J needs a good home.

J needs a new home.

Douche...

2007-06-07T22:34:00.003-04:00

To the idiot with lighting tattoos for sideburns:

You're a douchebag.

Cut Off...

2007-06-06T21:38:00.000-04:00

Today marks the first day of my rigorous, if not feeble attempt at losing a shitload of weight before the beginning of July.

I can do it.

A steady diet of air and water is on my list.

Kidding.

Sort of.

I don't aspire to be a supermodel, just not a beached whale.

Next on my list is a kick ass tan (what with me being pasty and all...) and I'll be set.

Funk...

2007-06-03T22:41:00.000-04:00

Okay, last video post for a bit.

I just had to post this so that I could watch it 120398120387 times a day.

Simply amazing.

C'mere Jessie, Smell My Finger...

2007-06-03T21:04:00.000-04:00

My favorite cartoon character of all time?

Herbert the Pervert.

Dare to question me.

I've Got A Fever...

2007-06-02T22:58:00.001-04:00

The only prescription?

Spam...

2007-06-02T22:50:00.001-04:00

I just got this email in my inbox.

Just how they knew I needed some help is beyond me.

It's like they can read my mind.
-----------------------

Remarkable results can be achieved with Megadik
We have men reporting up to four inches in gain.
Being happy with your body can change your entire outlook on life.
You can make it happen with the click of your mouse.
(Link deleted for your safety and/or desire to get some Megadik..)

senora tommy sensor conceal brevity read creek downtrodden not. idea poppy nestor grilled ambiguity choreography hippocratic kin cinnamon , it.

Drive...

2007-06-02T22:43:00.001-04:00

I took this picture in my car the other night.

Kinda makes me want to drive back into it.

Blogger's My Bitch...

2007-05-30T22:55:00.000-04:00

This latest "technical difficulty" may have been the last straw.

I may finally move to Wordpress like some of the others.

For the past week or so, I haven't been receiving comments. (I'm sure you've noticed since many of you have said "what gives" or "I thought I left a comment but...)

I haven't been getting them in my e-mail inbox and then I think that nobody likes me anymore.

Turns out that something was wrong with that and I WAS getting comments, I could only see them when I logged onto Blogger.

Rest assured that I've answered all the comments left here and that it'll never happen again.

Why Didn't Somebody Stop Me...

2007-05-28T20:56:00.001-04:00

While we're waxing nostalgic, here's a keeper...

Please overlook the plaid flannel and the suspenders. It also appears as though I'm wearing mom jeans.

Two words:

Foreshadowing much?

Both Ways...

2007-05-27T20:28:00.000-04:00

See this kids?

This is me, as a wee one.

Walking to school.

Uphill, both ways.

With one shoe.

My parents are the epitome of cruel.

Flenker!!!

2007-05-27T20:05:00.001-04:00

I recently asked Flenker a series of random questions..

Please go visit his site to see how he answered things like what kind of tire he'd be, and what he'd do with his boobs!!

Finale Time...

2007-05-27T00:07:00.000-04:00

Well folks, without further ado, here is the Grand Finale of the Blood Ninja series. I assure you, if I get more, I will pass them along to you.
-----------------------

sweet17 : Hi

Bloodninja : hello

Bloodninja : who is this?

sweet17 : just a someone?

Bloodninja : A someone I know?

sweet17 : nope

Bloodninja : Then why the hell are you bothering me?

sweet17 : well sorrrrrry

sweet17 : I just wanted to chat with you

Bloodninja : why?

sweet17 : nevermind your an jerk

Bloodninja : Hey wait a minute

sweet17 : yes?

Bloodninja : look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid

sweet17 : paranoid?

Bloodninja : yes

sweet17 : of what?

sweet17 : me?

Bloodninja : No. I'm in hiding.

sweet17 : LOL

Bloodninja : Don't fucking laugh at me!

Bloodninja : This shit is serious!

sweet17 : What are you hiding from?

Bloodninja : The cops.

sweet17 : gimme a fucking break

Bloodninja : I'm serious.

sweet17 : I don't get it

Bloodninja : The cops are after me.

sweet17 : For what?

Bloodninja : I'm wanted in three states

sweet17 : For???

Bloodninja : It's kindof embarrasing.

Bloodninja : I had sex with a turkey.

Bloodninja : Hello?

sweet17 : You are fucking sick.

Bloodninja : Send me your picture.

sweet17 : why?

Bloodninja : so I know you aren't one of them.

sweet17 : One of what?

Bloodninja : The cops.

sweet17 : I'm not a cop i told you

Bloodninja : Then send me your picture.

sweet17 : hold on

Bloodninja : Hurry up.

Bloodninja : Are you there?

Bloodninja : Fuck you, cop!

sweet17 : Hey sorry

sweet17 : I had to do something for my mom.

Bloodninja : I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.

Bloodninja : When really you were notifying the authorities.

Bloodninja : Weren't you!?

sweet17 : thats not it

Bloodninja : Then what?

sweet17 : I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty

Bloodninja : Most cops aren't

sweet17 : IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU ASSHOLE!

Bloodninja : Then send me the picture.

sweet17 : fine. What's your e-mail?

Bloodninja : Just send it through here.

sweet17 : alright *PIC*

sweet17 : Did you get it?

Bloodninja : Hold on. I'm looking.

sweet17 : That was me back in may

sweet17 : I've lost weight since then.

Bloodninja : I hope so

sweet17 : what?!?

sweet17 : that hurt my feelings.

Bloodninja : Did it?

sweet17 : Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.

Bloodninja : Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?

sweet17 : yes

Bloodninja : Alright let me find it.

sweet17 : kks

Bloodninja : Okay here it is. *PIC*

sweet17 : this isn't you.

Bloodninja : I'll be damned if it ain't!

sweet17 : You don't look like that.

Bloodninja : How the hell do you know?

sweet17 : cause your profile has another picture.

Bloodninja : The profile pic is a fake.

Bloodninja : I use it to hide from the cops.

sweet17 : You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol

Bloodninja : Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....

Bloodninja : Not to mention all the groceries.

sweet17 : Go fuck yourself

Bloodninja : I was going to until I saw that picture

Bloodninja : Now my unit won't get hard for a week.

sweet17 : I shouldn't have sent you that picture.

sweet17 : You've done nothing but slam me.

sweet17 : you hurt me.

Bloodninja : And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?

sweet17 : I thought you were bullcrapping me!

Bloodninja : Why would I do that?

sweet17 : I can't believe that cops are after you

Bloodninja : I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..

sweet17 : FUCK YOU!!!

Bloodninja : You'd break both of his legs.

sweet17 : You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE!

sweet17 : I've been teased my whole life because of my weight

sweet17 : and you make fun of me when you don't even know me

Bloodninja : Ok. I'm sorry.

sweet17 : No you aren't

Bloodninja : You're right. I'm not.

Bloodninja : HAARRRRR!

sweet17 : I'm done with you

Bloodninja : Aww. I'm sorry.

sweet17 : I'm putting you on ignore

Bloodninja : Wait a sec

Bloodninja : We got off on the wrong foot.

Bloodninja : Wanna start over?

sweet17 : No

Bloodninja : I'll eat your kitty

sweet17 : You'll what?

Bloodninja : You heard me.

Bloodninja : I said I'd eat your kitty.

sweet17 : I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture

Bloodninja : Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?

sweet17 : I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes

Bloodninja : Well I'm not like most men.

Bloodninja : I get excited in different ways.

sweet17 : Like what?

Bloodninja : Do you really wanna know?

sweet17 : I don't know

Bloodninja : You have to tell me yes or no.

sweet17 : I'm afraid to

Bloodninja : Why?

sweet17 : cause

Bloodninja : cause why?

sweet17 : well lets see

sweet17 : you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out

sweet17 : doesn't that seem strange to you?

Bloodninja : Nope

sweet17 : well its strange to me

Bloodninja : Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to

sweet17 : I didn't say that

Bloodninja : So is that a yes?

sweet17 : I guess so.

Bloodninja : Ok. I need your help getting excited though.

Bloodninja : Are you willing?

sweet17 : What do you need me to do?

Bloodninja : I need you talk like a pirate.

sweet17 : ???

Bloodninja : When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"

Bloodninja : ok?

Bloodninja : Hello?

sweet17 : You can't be serious

Bloodninja : Oh yes I am!

Bloodninja : It's my fantasy.

sweet17 : this is retarded

Bloodninja : Do you want it or not?

sweet17 : Yes I want it.

Bloodninja : Then you'll do it for me?

sweet17 : sure

Bloodninja : Ok. Here we go.

Bloodninja : I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.

Bloodninja : You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them

Bloodninja : I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.

Bloodninja : I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.

sweet17 : mmmm yeah

Bloodninja : uh oh ...going limp.

sweet17 : Har

Bloodninja : You gotta do better than that!

Bloodninja : Your picture was really bad.

sweet17 : HARRRRRRRRRRRR

Bloodninja : Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.

Bloodninja : I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.

Bloodninja : Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.

Bloodninja : I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.

sweet17 : mmmmmm you are good

Bloodninja : I feel your thighs tighten as I suckharder

Bloodninja : going limp

sweet17 : HARRRRRRR

Bloodninja : Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.

Bloodninja : You begin to sway back and forth.

Bloodninja : going limp

sweet17 : this is stupid

Bloodninja : ...still limp

Bloodninja : Do it!

sweet17 : HARRRRRRRRRRRRR

Bloodninja : I turn you around to lick your asshole.

Bloodninja : I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.

Bloodninja : I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.

sweet17 : WTF?!?!?

Bloodninja : They stink really bad.

sweet17 : OMG STOP!!!

Bloodninja : I start to get fed up with your ugly ass

Bloodninja : I tear off your wooden peg leg.

Bloodninja : I ram it up your ass.

sweet17 : YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!

Bloodninja : Then I pour hot carmel over your head.

Bloodninja : And turn you into a fucking candy apple...

Bloodninja : I kick you in the face!

sweet17 : FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!

Bloodninja : The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...

Bloodninja : Your parrot flys away.

Bloodninja : ...going limp again.

Bloodninja : Hello?

Bloodninja : Say it!

Bloodninja : HAARRRRRR!!!!!

B-A-C-K...

2007-05-25T23:22:00.000-04:00

Boob Lady's Back
Hip Hip Hooray!

Farce...

2007-05-20T23:22:00.001-04:00

I just watched a movie called "The Farce of the Penguins."

I highly suggest that you watch it.

I laughed out loud many times.

Cheesy? Yes.

Not for kids? Check.

Should you watch it? Absolutely.

See it here.

My favorite lines?

"If I had testicles, they'd be up inside my body by now."

"If you had testicles, you'd be getting raped by a seal."

or

"I'm so fed up with the club scene."

"So are baby seals!"

Also, while you're there, check out all the other stuff. You'll never watch tv again.

Sorry.

Or, you're welcome, depending on how you feel about me after you visit the site.

Vacation...

2007-05-20T22:35:00.000-04:00

I'm on vacation!!!

Huzzah!

There will be a slight blog hiatus.

Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'll be back soon!

I'll post some goodies tonight so that you've got some shit to tide you over.

xx

Super...

2007-05-20T21:33:00.000-04:00

I.F. : My shit is hard you ready to jump aboard?

1hOttYeVe : oh yhea im so wet right now

I.F. : Why you just shower?

1hOttYeVe : no im wet for you

I.F. : Did you ever play with supersoakers when you were a kid? or that gator shit you would dive and slide down, there was that badass pool at the end of it.

1hOttYeVe : What the fuck are you talking about? You wanna cyber or not?

I.F. : I do! Sorry...I just didnt know why you were wet...then you say your wet for me, and im thinking I didnt even throw water on you...

I.F. : Im sorry lets continue!

1hOttYeVe : alright then...I walk over to you and start kissing your neck and chest

I.F. : I pop like 16 boners

1hOttYeVe : what the fuck!

I.F. : what?

Feel Good...

2007-05-16T22:20:00.000-04:00

This is your mom:

This is your mom on drugs.

I love it.

5 Dolla Make You Holla...

2007-05-16T21:08:00.000-04:00

I was at the grocery store picking up my requisite case of Pepsi, when from beneath it, flutters a five dollar bill.

I quickly scooped it up before anyone noticed that it didn't come out of my pocket.

Should I have looked for its rightful owner?

Was I wrong?

Am I going to jail?

Hey, Wonky Eye...

2007-05-16T21:07:00.000-04:00

Don't drop the soap.

Shhh...

2007-05-15T23:05:00.000-04:00

Recently, Grant Miller of Grant Miller Media decided that I was worthy enough for interview purposes.

I am humbled and so very honored that he chose to ask me hard hitting questions.

Read on my fellow bloggers, you won't learn much though.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

-----------------------

You're Canadian. Why do Canadians mispronounce "schedule?"

It's just how we roll. Depending on the conversation, I either say: "Shhedule", or "Skedoole". I swing it to the person of interest. How do you say it?

You work in a lingerie store. Do Canadians measure chest sizes differently than Americans. Do they use the metric system - you know centimeters instead of inches? Or do you use grams?

I go by inches. We use the same measurements you all do. The Europeans are the ones that fuck up the bra measurements, when one comes in to the store, I have to think back to what I've learned and go by centimetres. If I really want to impress someone, however, I will use grams. It's a great party trick.

Why are you The Boob Lady as opposed to "The Foot Lady" or "The Ankle Lady?"

I am the Boob Lady because I deal with boobs all day long. If I worked in a shoe store, or was a podiatrist, I suppose I could be the Foot Lady or the Ankle lady.

I have a lot of perverts and sickos that visit my site searching for porn. When they invariably find my site lacks porn, they sometimes click your blog, primarily because of your screen name. What would you like to say to the sickos, perverts and deviants that visit your site?

Although most people find that your site lacks porn, I love the search words used to get to your site. I digress... I often throw a little shout to the perverts and deviants that visit my site. They more often than not find me by Googling "Post Your Beaver", or some form of "Boobs." I am okay with this, it's bringing them in. I don't have much to say to them. Sit, relax, put the porn clips on in the background, but have a good read, there's plenty there.

Why should people read your blog?

I have no real pull to keep readers in. The regulars are there and seem to enjoy it. I write whatever comes to mind, usually it's verbal diarrhoea, sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's pure shit used to fill a date. I'm easy. But I'm not cheap.

-------------------------

If you would like to be interviewed by the Boob Lady, drop me a line, I'll hook you up.

Opposable Thumbs...

2007-05-13T22:33:00.000-04:00

Check out the "Mother's Day" email the "cats" sent me.

They're smarter than I give them credit for I guess.

I go out for groceries and this is what I come home to.

I bet they're the ones downloading all the porn too.

Hey Mommy, this is Todd, i know you always thought I was the dumb one but lets see Jack type this shit, He made me put his name on this letter but for the record I did all the work. A few requests on your special day, please stop calling me blockhead, meatball, gronk etc.....it hurts my feelings oh and jack says he dosn't need as much food as the average cat so you can put the extra in my dish. Besides that just wanted to tell you you are the best mom two little cats could ever hope for and we love you ( me a little more than jack ). Hope you have a wonderful mothersday.

Love Todd and jjjAACCKK ( jack insisted on typing his own name, dumbass)

It's All In The Nose(s)...

2007-05-13T22:18:00.000-04:00

Read the store here.

Sweet Jesus...

2007-05-13T18:05:00.000-04:00

Get some. Now.

Mema...

2007-05-13T00:01:00.000-04:00

Mom, Mother, Mema, Mem, Woman Who Bore Me...

I truly don't know where to begin.

Never before have I had an outlet such as this in which to declare my love and appreciation for you. (More so than I do with the thousand calls a day I make to you at work.)

As we grow in our relationship together, I am more and more thankful everyday for your presence in my life.
--------------
You keep things together from so far away.

You effortlessly talk me down from my anxiety attacks from provinces over.

You help me pad my bank account when I am short on rent, (As I have been lately...) even when I know that you can't really afford to do so, what with another bank account leech, and your own financial needs. Or when I'm sure that you're thinking, but never saying: "Jesus, Child, you're almost 27, get your shit together..."

You sound just as happy to hear from me whether it's my first call of the day or my 76th.

You tell me things are going to be okay, even when I think that they're not.

You "Myeaaarrhh" with me, even when I tell you that you've gotta give me more.. "You need to do it this way..."

You make gag noises with me to the point that I'm laughing hysterically and I'm sure that Puppa is wondering what the fuck is wrong with us.

You have most recently said "Redrum" with so much passion that I almost, almost passed you the torch.

You listen to me cry, offer encouraging words, and wait until I've stopped to let me go.

You send me gas money so that I can go visit your baby, even when you've just sent him the equivalent of 198 months' rent.

You feel, I hope, that you can talk to me about "grown-up" things, like we're equals, not just mother and daughter.

You listen to me bitch about my life, boys, and my life with (or without) boys, and offer words of wisdom that only a mother can. (That, or you bitch with me!)

You buy silly things for my friends on eBay, and roll with the joke.

You send me care packages full of things that I should be able to buy for myself, but it's not the same if it's not sent with love.

You put a love letter in every care package, even if it's just a few words. (Usually.)

You tell me you're proud of me, even when I don't feel like I do anything special.

You tell me how beautiful I am, even when I feel hideous. (Because you have to.)

You laugh at the stupid pictures and videos I send to you.

You read everything I write, even the softcore porn.

You read as much as I do.

You have a loving, happy relationship with Puppa, that we are all so thankful for.

You gave me all the recipes I need to make someone happy, or cook for myself. (Which I rarely do lately.)

You play online poker with me almost every night.

You go along with it when I say I'm going to pimp myself out for grocery money, only asking for a small cut of the proceeds.

You hold my hand when I need it the most.

You're my best friend, my secret keeper, my backbone, my mother, my rock.

No words that I could ever write would properly sum up what you mean to me.

On this day, your day, Mother's day, I send all the love I have, hugs from afar, and all the thanks in the world.

Thank you for having me, for loving me, for always being here with me, even when you're not.

I love you.

Suggestive...

2007-05-12T22:39:00.000-04:00

I'm looking for employees.

When one is looking for employees, one puts up a sign.

Do they not?

Anyway, I had an "Employment Opportunities Available" sign up in my window.

I guess my mistake was that I had put it on a stand, right in front of a mannequin.

Stay with me here, there's a punchline.

Last Saturday, as we're all working as usual, a woman and her husband walked by the store about three times.

I saw them look into the store each time they strolled by.

Assuming that they were making the mall laps like the rest of the people there that day, I thought nothing of it.

Until the last lap.

When they stopped in front of the window.

Pointing and laughing.

She finally comes in with hubby firmly in hand.

The following conversation ensued:

Me: "Hi there, how are you today?"

Her: "Hi, fine thanks."

Me: "Anything that I can help you with?"

Her: "Um, well, I noticed your sign in the window."

Me: "Great, are you looking?"

Her: "No. Don't you think that's kind of suggestive?"

Me: "Uhh, pardon me?"

Her: "The sign? Don't you think it's kind of suggestive??"

Me: "I'm not sure I follow. We're presently looking for employees so we put a sign in the window."

Her: "Well, it's right under a mannequin that's only wearing a bra and panty set."

Me: "I'm sure that when people see the sign, they know that we're not hiring for a mannequin or a bra model."

Her: "Well, I still think that it's rather suggestive. I think you should remove it."

Me: "I'm sorry you feel that way ma'am, but I'm sure that the people that are coming in to apply for a job are not in any way thinking that we're hiring for an armless, legless torso."

Her: ...

They both turned on their heels and left the store.

Was this a test of somekind?

Did I fail?

Bear...

2007-05-12T22:35:00.000-04:00

I.F. : You ready yet? Im bearing to go!

SexyKarla17 : Yhea im slipping out of my clothes right now, what do you look like?

I.F. : a Kodiac bear

SexyKarla17 : ?

I.F. : Im soft naked, fuzzy and waiting for you to come mount me

SexyKarla17 : Oh I love cute fuzzy bears, I walk up and get on top of you stroking your soft hair,
kissing you gently as my move my way down your stomach

I.F. : I growl to warm you my cubs are near

SexyKarla17 : huh?

I.F. : Bears get fuckin pumped when anyone is near their cubs

Sexkarla17: yeah hehe dont be silly..

SexyKarla17 : I love how you growl as I continue to kiss you, while taking off your pants.

I.F. : Bears dont wear pants and you should cover yourself in Honey now

SexyKarla17 : hehe you would love to lick that off me huh. I pour honey all over my warm wet body waiting for you to start licking it off me slowly

I.F. : I sniff the air to see where the sweet scent of the honey is coming from, while slowly snorting and walking towards you

I.F. : I Growl again, and start to bite you

SexyKarla17 : Yhea that feels good..ooooo...not too hard now

I.F. : I bite harder peeling flesh from your stomach, and look up into your eyes to show you my mouth dripping with your warm blood mixed with honey, I then I let my cubs rip apart your limbs and play with you like a ragdoll.

SexyKarla17 : what the fuck?

I.F. :uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh and im spent.

Treat Her Right...

2007-05-12T17:07:00.001-04:00

Omazing...

2007-05-11T18:46:00.000-04:00

Please, enjoy this piece of masterful choral ability. This guy should win some massive awards at the Grammy's this year.

Seriously.

I Lied...No Finale Yet...

2007-05-10T21:41:00.000-04:00

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart:

Taggee...

2007-05-09T22:41:00.000-04:00

Chris tagged me with this one but since I don't get out much, I'm not sure how much wisdom I'll have to offer you. Since I'm pretty sure that NONE of you will ever be in my neck of the woods, I'll give you what I can...

The rules:

1. Add a direct link to your post below the name of the person who tagged you.
Include the city/state and country you’re in.

Nicole (Sydney, Australia)
velverse (Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
LB (San Giovanni in Marignano, Italy)
Selba (Jakarta, Indonesia)
Olivia (London, England)
ML (Utah, USA)
Lotus (Toronto, Canada)
tanabata (Saitama, Japan)
Andi (Dallas [ish], Texas, United States)
Lulu (Chicago, Illinois, United States)
Chris (Boyne City, Michigan, United States)
Boob Lady (Saint John, Canada)

2. List out your top 5 favorite places to eat at your location.

3. Tag 5 other people (preferably from other countries/states) and let them know they’ve been tagged. **See bottom**

----------------------------------

1. Billy's Seafood: A small restaurant near the uptown section of the city, Billy's is one of my favorite places to go. (I can only go here if there's money in my pocket, someone important is coming to visit, like my parents, (Who, for the record, haven't been) or, if someone else is paying...) It's located in the old Farmer's Market and also has a full fish market where you can buy goodies to take home. My favorite starter order at Billy's is their fresh calamari, sliced thinly, deep fried, and topped with grated parm. It's served with a delicious marinara sauce. I can't get enough, I'd eat it every day if I could. For my main course, I love their live lobster from the tank. Boiled to perfection, served with a wedge of lemon, and hot drawn butter. Amazing. I wear the bib, get dirty, suck the butter off my fingers, and love every second of it.

2. Vito's Dining Room and Lounge: This is your usual pizza joint with a little bit of a higher class atmosphere. You can eat in or take out and it's a good time. The place is chock full of delicious treats; amazing caesar salad, cheesy as hell garlic cheese fingers, great pizza, and scrumtious desserts. If you're feeling lucky, you can eat in the lounge and throw some money away at the slot machines too. There's only four of them but you can try your luck.

3. Jake's Steakhouse: This place is a quick fix when I need to leave the mall to eat. It's right across the street and they serve some good food. There's only so much eating in a dark back room, or food court I can handle. They serve a mean spaghetti, and their steaks are delicious and cheap. That's what counts right?

4. Cora's: AMAZING. I am in love with Cora's. I go here for breakfast when I can afford it, or can bother getting up early enough on a day off to enjoy it. They also serve lunch, but the breakfast is where it's at. Their menu is amazing, the food is fantastic, and you can watch people as they prepare your meals. Choices offered all have fun names and they specialize in fresh fruit smoothies as starters. Menu items include such delights as; crepes filled with a shitload of stuff like Nutella, fruit, crème anglaise, and pretty much anything else you could ever imagine. My favorite thing to order here is something called the "1980's Harvest." This meal includes the following: One egg cooked any style, your choice of bacon, ham, or sausage, a brioche, (which is basically a cinnamon roll that's been cut in half, dipped in French Toast batter, and fried accordingly...I know. WTF. Amazing? Yes.) and a MOUNTAIN of fresh fruit. I pretty much get this every time I go there. I can't sway myself to get anything else, it's got it all.

5. Jungle Jim's: This crazy restaurant is always good for a laugh. The décor is absolutely hilarious. Parrots, swinging monkeys, tiki torches, lanterns, you get the picture. There's always music playing and lots of people. The food is amazing and has hilarious names like Hippo Burgers, Rhino Ribs, and The Kitchen Sink. I always get the chicken taquitos and then depending on my mood, a pasta dish, or some ribs. They also have a crazy drink called the Jumbo Hurricane. One of these can pretty much get me a good snap on.

Since I know that most of you won't do this tag, I won't put you through the agony of having to do it. If you'd like to, please, I'd love to read it, if not, I won't hold it against you.

Grand Finale...

2007-05-09T22:23:00.000-04:00

I was going to post the Grand Finale of the Blood Ninja posts, but I fear that it is too graphic in nature.

I'm going to decide in the next day or so if I feel that I can put it up and not feel badly about it.

I may have to censor it.

Let me know what you think.

Awkward...

2007-05-05T19:14:00.000-04:00

The owner of my building just dropped by.

He came to collect my rent and check to see that all was going well for me in my new apartment.

I handed over my rent, told him about the one incident where the upstairs neighbour had some sort of flood and it had come down into my bathroom.

He asked to see if there was any damage.

Of course I obliged.

I usher him into my bathroom to show him that there is very little carnage.

As I'm fanning my hand over the area like one of Barker's Beauties, my eyes land on suspicious items.

It is then that he reddens and I realize fully that I have two very obvious ornaments on the sink area.

Yes, that's right.

Two of my favorite late night dates are resting on the counter.

No matter where I am in the bathroom, there is very little room to maneuver myself in front of the boyfriends he's already seen.

I try to show him the area of the floor where there was water while practically sitting on the counter, blocking his view.

I've basically got him pressed up against the wall with my boobs so that he can barely turn around.

I've got a big mirror behind the door on the outside so you pretty much have to shimmy sideways to get in or out.

He's trapped.

He came face to face with Big Glitter and Little Purple.

I'm mortified.

He thanks me for my time, scurries out quickly, wishes me a good night, and is gone.

I live alone.

With two cats.

So?

Yum...

2007-05-04T22:33:00.000-04:00

Cookie Ears came into the store tonight.

Her ears look even bigger since she's wearing earrings that appear to be fashioned out of giant sequins.

Her earrings could actually be a brooch that you see on an 89 year old woman.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Arch Nemesis...

2007-05-03T21:58:00.000-04:00

There's a lady at my Head Office who I more often than not butt heads with.

I like to call her Ping Pong.

I believe that she lives to make my life a living hell.

She probably gets up in the morning and thinks about what she can conjure up to piss me off.

She always wins.

She's my Newman.

She often calls me about the most trivial things and while I try to retain my composure, I often crack.

I try to devise a new plan everyday for ways to get her fired.

She's dumber than a bag of rocks.

Her voice is shrill, not unlike the sound that very, very long fingernails might make while raked across a freshly cleaned chaulk board.

If I ever come home and post something snarky, it's probably because I've spoken with Ping Pong at least once in the day.

I know I shouldn't take her idiocy out on you but I can't help it.

She really gets under my skin.

A snippet from today's conversation:

"Hiiiiiii Boob Ladyyyyy, it's Pinggggggg Pong!"

"Hi."

"I don't understand what happened heeeeeere..."

I explain.

"Nooooo, I don't understand."

I reiterate my previous sentence, speaking ever. so. slowly.

"No, no, no..."

"YES PING PONG."

"No, no, I don't understand..."

Again, I restate my previous points.

"Ok, ok, ok, ok... Nevermind, I will feegure it out."

"Thanks."

"Byeeeeeeeeeee!"

Click.

She makes me want to stab my ears with rusty spoons.

She's so bad that I've bumped her up in place of my previous, years long arch nemesis.

Anyone who knows me knows that my decades old arch nemesis is a big deal, I don't just replace her easily.

She's rightfully earned her place on my shit list.

You'll get yours Pong.

You'd better watch your back.

Pick Up The Phone...

2007-05-02T22:36:00.000-04:00

As much as it pains me to do this, I'm going to send some more readers over to Gregg's site.

We had a lovely conversation last night in which he interviewed me over the telephone.

He takes hard hitting topics and grills me to the core.

Go check it out, you'll get to find out all about me and hear my sexy Canadian voice for yourselves!

Advice...

2007-05-02T21:45:00.000-04:00

I need some advice kids...

Spiderman 3 or Wild Hogs?

It's pretty much a gimme right?

Wild Hogs?

Cookies...

2007-05-01T23:04:00.000-04:00

To the lady with the ears as big as giant chocolate chip cookies that I saw at the mall today:

Please, please, please put those mother fucking giant cookie ears away.

At least put your hair over them.

They were huge.

Unsightly.

You're like some kind of giant cookie ear monster.

I'm scurred.

Sincerely,

The Boob Lady

Kama, Kama, Kama, Kama, Kama, Kameleon...

2007-05-01T20:57:00.000-04:00

**READER DISCRETION ADVISED**
Jdogg:Hey

QT-Pie:Hey

Jdogg:whats goin on

QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?

Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?

QT-Pie:what does that mean?

Jdogg:what are you wearing?

QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.

Jdogg:Garter belt?

QT-Pie:Ummm...no.

Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?

QT-Pie: uh, okay.

Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.

Jdogg: You're wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.

QT-Pie: WHAT?!

Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.

Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.

Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.

QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.

Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.

QT-Pie: A stripe?

Jdogg: I need a sandwich.

QT-Pie: You're a freak.

Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.

My Apologies...

2007-04-29T22:10:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry.

There is no excuse for what I am about to do.

I truly am sorry.

I found this over at TubaPants.

It has had me completely enraptured for the last 24 hours or so.

I want to stop. I really do.

I just can't.

Notice I'm not swearing in this post either?

I'm exhausted.

I don't have the energy to cuss.

If you have a spare 32487253987 hours to devote to something, go on over and do the "Impossible Quiz."

If not, go check it out anyway.

You'll thank me.

Wait, no you won't.

You're going to hate me.

It's worth it.

The Children...

2007-04-28T22:49:00.000-04:00

Tonight, I told Mema that I had the names picked out for my as yet unborn children.

They shall be Mickey for a boy, and Trudy for a girl.

I imagine that they will look something like this:

Trudy shall have dark hair like her mother. (Me) She will need coke bottle gogs, and will need to shave at least twice daily. Her mullet is purely for style. I imagine that she'll be this weight at birth which will leave me, her mother, with a floppy, shaved roast beef-like vajayjay for life. No man will come near me again.

Mickey shall look somewhat like Mr. Bean. He will have beef tits and will need a diaper change long into adulthood. He will have a receding hairline starting at birth that will never grow in. Rogaine will not help. His motor skills will be limited due to the fact that he will have hot dog hands.

Dancers...

2007-04-28T22:15:00.000-04:00

J-Dogg: I see you in line at the supermarket. Our eyes meet.

Partner8: Who the fuck are you?

J-Dogg: I mouth the words to you, as if in slow motion:

J-Dogg: Fuck me, Fuck me.

J-Dogg: My wishes are like poetry in your eyes. We want this moment to last forever.

Partner8: OMFG are you trying to cyber me?

J-Dogg: We are like two dancers, for whom the music never stops. I Kiss the top of your hand. You are taken aback by the bulge that forms in your thigh.

Partner8: Is that like cancer?

J-Dogg: If cancer is our love, then I hope you don't have the technology of chemotherapy.

Partner8: Good one romeo.

J-Dogg: You grab the bulge that you feel. you think it must be taking over your mind, there's
nothing else you can think of. My tubesteak to you is like a beautiful japanese haiku.

The salmon swim at night.
Towards your room.
The snow and the moon.

Partner8: that was never a haiku.

J-Dogg: To your light bulb I am the Thomas Edison of your sex. Without my light you would be lost in a sea of darkness.

Partner8: That made even less sense than your "haiku"

J-Dogg: So you ready to fuck then?

Partner8: You unbutton my pants, spew your load at the sight of my underwear, and your spent.

J-Dogg: ...

Partner8: ?

J-Dogg: I'm spent.

Ahh Yeah Kids...

2007-04-27T23:50:00.001-04:00

This one's for Crazy Eddie.. Newports baby!

Chuck...

2007-04-26T23:23:00.000-04:00

Oh Chuck Norris, you silly bastard you.

Ok folks.

Seriously.

Do you do a ton of karate kicks?

I know I do.

When I do, I want to be sure that I'm wearing my Chuck Norris Action Jeans.

If you read the ad closely, you'll notice that they won't bind your legs.

The unique "hidden gusset" will allow you to do your most fancy moves and not rip the crotch of your pants.

Cause, really, who wants to see your nut/vulva when you're doing your best roundhouse.

Amazing.

PS: Little known fact about Chuck Norris? They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Sing Me The Blues...

2007-04-24T22:42:00.000-04:00

A few of my Blog Friends have been down lately.

We're all suffering from Blog Depression.

It's sad.

But you can make a difference.

Check out this link and learn that you're not alone.

We're all in this together.

Gangsta...

2007-04-24T20:02:00.000-04:00

Partner6: So you're really a 18 yr old girl right?

J-Dogg: Yeah, J for Julie.

Partner6: So whats with the "Dogg"

J-Dogg: Uh, It's cause I'm into the latina gangs and shit. You know, rollin with tha homies and shit.

Partner6: Oh, uh ok thats cool. So you ever seen a gun?

J-Dogg: Yeah like I got 6 guns.

Partner6: Thats cool, so you wanna see my gun?

J-Dogg: hehe, of course baby.

Partner6: I pull off my pants and show you my "gun".

J-Dogg: Ohh, it's so big.

Partner6: Yeah, what you want to do?

J-Dogg: Umm, i guess stroke it or something.

Partner6: It likes that.

J-Dogg: aight.

Partner6: Keep talking to me baby...

J-Dogg: I kiss you on the mouth, hard, but then gently.

Partner6: Mmmm, daddy like.

J-Dogg: I unzip my pants...

Partner6: Yes, show me what you got.

J-Dogg: I pull out my schlong, and rub it on your breasts...

Partner6: WTF?!

J-Dogg: Oh shit, I meant, your schlong! your schlong!

Partner6: I've had it with you queers trying to cyber me, I only fuck women...

J-Dogg: Shit just don't shoot me man, I wasn't serious about the guns I have, I'm unarmed!

Partner6: You dipshit.

J-Dogg: I whimper to myself...

J-Dogg: please don't shoot me Mr.

Pruney...

2007-04-21T20:59:00.000-04:00

I totally have dishpan hands right now.

Sighting...

2007-04-19T21:23:00.000-04:00

Rumour has it that there was a Boots sighting at the mall yesterday.

Sadly, this occurred on my day off.

Darn.

Eat Your Veggies...

2007-04-19T21:09:00.000-04:00

Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?

MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?

Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?

MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.

Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out

Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.

(pause)

MommyMelissa: is that it?

Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.

Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?

MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?

(pause)

Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.

Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.

MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.

Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.

Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.

MommyMelissa: ...

Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.

MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.

Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.

MommyMelissa: whatever.

Link...

2007-04-19T20:25:00.001-04:00

I added some new links to the side bar.

You know who you are!

For those of you that frequent the Boob Lady, you'll recognize the new ones.

Take a peek! I'm sure you'll enjoy.

Quiver Me Timbers...

2007-04-18T22:36:00.000-04:00

Who doesn't want one of these?

Guys; it'll maximize her pleasure. Yours too! I promise.

Gals; Please! You have to do virtually NO work!

It's win, win!

Plus, the glow in the dark feature means that you'll never have to look at porn in the dark anymore!

*Phew*

I Want It That Way...

2007-04-18T21:42:00.000-04:00

I shall let this speak for itself.

It's Not Delivery...

2007-04-18T15:43:00.000-04:00

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?

DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody ;-)

DirtyKate:Who are you?

Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot

Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.

DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..

Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order

DirtyKate: Haha! OK

DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.

Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?

DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!

Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?

DirtyKate:Umm...Yes

DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...

Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.

**pause**

DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!

Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.

Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though

**pause**

DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.

Bloodninja:How did you know?

Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.

Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven

DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby

Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?

DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.

Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....

DirtyKate:What the f**k?

DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t

DirtyKate:F**k

Mothers Day...

2007-04-16T22:22:00.001-04:00

Don't worry!

There's still time!

Get 'em while they're hot!

Mmmmm...

2007-04-16T22:14:00.000-04:00

Before leaving work tonight, I beheld such an astonishing sight it brought tears to my eyes.

I saw a woman.

A woman of about 60.

A 60ish woman in a cloak.

A red cloak.

She had on hooker boots.

Hooker boots OVER her jeans.

The best part of the whole ensemble?

Her hair.

It was delicately styled just so.

Her flaxen locks gave her an air of mystery.

Where is this woman from?

Does she know that her fashion sense is unparalleled?

Does she know that the RAT TAIL/MULLET COMBO is not cool??

Holy Fuck.

I've dubbed it the: Mmmratlet.

That's right.

Roll it off your lips.

Mmmmmmmmmratlet.

It's fucking beautiful, isn't it?

*Sigh*

Treasure...

2007-04-16T22:09:00.000-04:00

Bloodninja: I lick your earlobe, and undo your watch.

Sarah19fca: mmmm, okay.

Bloodninja: I take yo pants off, grunting like a troll.

Sarah19fca: Yeah I like it rough.

Bloodninja: I smack you thick booty.

Sarah19fca: Oh yeah, that feels good.

Bloodninja: Smack, Smack, yeeeaahhh.

Bloodninja: I make some toast and eat it off your ass. Land O' Lakes butter all in your crack. Mmmm.

Sarah19fca: you like that?

Bloodninja: I peel some bananas.

Sarah19fca: Oh, what are you gonna do with those?

Bloodninja: get me peanuts. Peanuts from the ballpark.

Sarah19fca: Peanuts?

Bloodninja: Ken Griffey Jr. Yeaaaaahhh.

Sarah19fca: What are you talking about?

Bloodninja: I'm spent, I jump down into the alley and smoke a fatty. I throw rocks at the cats.

Sarah19fca: This is stupid.

Bloodninja: Stone Cold Steve Austin gives me some beer.

Bloodninja: Wanna Wrestle Stone Cold?

Bloodninja: Yeeaahhhh.

Sarah19fca: /ignore

Bloodninja: Its cool stone cold she was a bitch anyway.

Bloodninja: We get on harleys and ride into the sunset.

Caption This...

2007-04-14T23:48:00.000-04:00

I'm not entirely sure what's happening here, so I'm asking for your help.

What do you think is occuring?

Man?

Beast?

Sock it to me.

MuuMuu Mema...

2007-04-13T21:50:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Blogger Idol, my poor Mema is now confined to her Jazzy with her lobster claws.

I can just picture her now, in her muumuu with her lavender-grey hair, cursing me for making her vote on Blogger Idol.

She's whizzing around town, shaking her claw, cursing the day I was born.

Thank you Blogger Idol, for making my mother of the future a decrepit old lady with colored hair, smoke hanging from her lipstick stained mouth, one big curler in the front of her hair that serves no purpose other than looks, one crippled hand on the controller for her electric wheelchair, whipping around corners, screaming "You fruits wouldn't know what to do with me."

Fuschia...

2007-04-12T22:58:00.000-04:00

To the lady with the fuschia hair that came into my store today:

Bitch, Please.

You look like a clown.

You're sixty.

It just ain't right.

**This is my 200th post! Hooray for Boobs!!!**

Idle...

2007-04-12T22:46:00.000-04:00

(My Absolute Favorite Blogger Ever™ Paul Hughson made this for me because he is the only real man I have ever known and he cares about me.)

Well, I'm now part of the "Sassy Six."

My poor mother will be in a cast and sling soon if this keeps up.

I can't believe that I've stayed in it this long and would like to thank Gregg for allowing me to be a part of such a hilarious entity.

Thanks for voting kids! Keep up the good work!

Robe...

2007-04-12T22:36:00.000-04:00

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?

eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.

BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.

eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.

BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.

BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.

eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.

eminemBNJA: Oh ****

eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Dig It...

2007-04-11T23:24:00.000-04:00

Crikey!

I'm still in it.

Keep voting for me whoever you are!!

I know that my poor Mema has probably gotten carpal tunnel from straight clickin' for the past 72 hours.

As of right now, we're in day three of Viewer Voting.

Two more are gone tomorrow morning, don't let it be me!!

Rhino...

2007-04-11T23:13:00.000-04:00

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.

j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.

bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.

j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.

j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.

bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.

j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.

j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.

j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.

bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.

j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.

bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.

bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.

j_gurli3: thats it.

bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.

bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

20 Questions...

2007-04-10T23:47:00.000-04:00

My internet lovers Dave and Paul have given me the opportunity to show you the enigma that is the Boob Lady.

They've interviewed me and I've given them the best 5 minutes of their lives.

(The best 3 of mine...)

Go check it out!

The Atomic Blog is a must-see and I suggest you get your tails over there and learn all about Moi!

Thanks boys, it was great.

See you in the bedroom.

Level III...

2007-04-10T22:05:00.000-04:00

The following is a snippet from a hilarious chat log by Legend Of The BloodNinja.

If you enjoy it, I'll go for more.

If not, suck it.

------------------------

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?

BritneySpears14: Aight.

bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.

BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.

bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.

BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.

bloodninja: Me too baby.

BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.

bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.

BritneySpears14: Hey...

bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.

BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.

bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.

BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.

bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.

bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine

bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.

BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.

bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal. bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.

bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.

bloodninja: Baby?

Hair, There, And Everywhere...

2007-04-09T22:37:00.000-04:00

Things I wish I'd said to the sketchbags in the mall today:

-------------------------------

First, I'd like to say thanks. Thanks for coming to the mall today. It was great having you. It's people like you that keep the mall open.

Oh, wait, no it's not. Want to know why? It's cause you don't buy jack shit. You walk around with an empty shopping cart so that you can put your (Insert inanimate object here) in it.

To Grandma: You do 178 laps of the mall without buying a thing. You sit in the food court and play scratch off Bingo while I eat my lunch.

To Whippersnappers: I know that my mannequins look cold. Staring at hard plastic nipples while giggling and grabbing your friends sleeve to come look too isn't making them any warmer.

To the lady with a bad case of Hockey Hair: Do you not have friends? Someone should really beat some fucking sense into you. Seriously. It looks like you were bobbing for french fries.

To the other lady who looked like Joe Dirt: Maybe you and Hockey Hair here should team up and put your mullet power to good use. You could probably wrangle up some more losers and start a hair band.

To the drunk guy that came into my store right before I was leaving tonight: Please. Please do not ever come back to my store while you reek of distillery. It is not a turn on. How does one shop drunk anyway? Your wife isn't going to wear the bra and panty set you bought her tonight since you'll have liquor dick anyway!

Come to the mall and drop some cash. I don't expect you to fork over hundreds of dollars, but pulling things off my racks and letting them fall to the floor is no way to behave. Would you do that at your own place?

Do it...

2007-04-09T22:30:00.000-04:00

So, I'm up there.

I'm catching up to the fine folks over at the Atomic Blog.

Vote for me! You know you want to!

Thank you to all(mom) those who voted for me (dad), I'll continue to make you proud!

Boobies to all and to all a great rack!